I was thinking and my mind told me...

What I Admire About Artists

2012-02-12T18:25:00.000-05:00

Actors go on audition after audition getting rejected time and time again before nailing a role. Musicians work for a long time trying to find their sound, making demos and touring, all in an effort to get signed. Painters and sculptors spend late hours creating new pieces and putting together bodies of work to put on a show for the public.

Artists pour everything they have into what they do.

Most of them work jobs they don’t really care about so they have the money (and time flexibility) to do what they love.

They don’t define themselves by the jobs they do, but what they feel their true calling is. It’s not “I’m a bartender.” It’s “I’m an actor.”

They face rejection. A lot of it. And they keep going, keep trying, keep working to make their dream happen. It requires courage, passion, determination.

They are vulnerable. They put themselves out there. They share a bit of their souls with us. They are willing to risk criticism and even more rejection from those who witness their work. But they keep putting their hearts on the line.

True artists work to create things that are beautiful. Beauty. Who doesn’t want more of that?

These are things I admire about artists. I want to be more like them.

The Great Lent Debate of 2012

2012-02-01T23:26:00.000-05:00

So the question is what to give up for Lent...

The last two years I have partnered with Blood:Water Mission and their 40 Days of Water campaign. For that, you give up drinking everything except tap water. When you sign up, they help you create a website where you can track the drinks you are giving up and how much they cost. At the end of Lent, you donate the money you saved drinking only tap water to their project. While it's kind of hard, I've also kind of enjoyed it.

This year I want to do something different. But what to do? Here are the two possibilities I've been considering.

1) Stop watching TV. Yikes! There are several shows that I LOVE to watch - Castle, White Collar, Parenthood, Chuck (well I used to love watching it anyway, I'm still mourning the loss), Suburgatory (Sharkeys, I blame you), The Soup. I don't really want to miss out on the entertainment. But on the other hand, I've been watching WAY TOO MUCH TV lately - like WAY TOO MUCH. I might need to do something drastic to curb my ways.

2) Take a break from social media. WHAT?!?! How will I ever survive?! I really love twitter. I'm addicted. I check my feed multiple times each day. I spend time looking to see who the people I follow follow. It's how I know what is going on in the world. I'm not as attached to FB but I find that I keep checking it to see who "liked" my status - which is usually pretty disappointing as no one seems to care. (Not that I blame them...) But in all seriousness, I think I have a social media addiction and I need to reign it in.

And there is a third option I'm considering as well...

3) Make boundaries and place limitations on both my hours spent in front of the TV and the amount of time I spend checking out social media. For example: I could decide to watch only one hour of TV a day (or one movie). Then I could still watch my shows but then I would have to find something else to do with my time. Or I could limit myself to checking Twitter and FB twice (or even once) a day. I would still be giving something up, but not quite all of it.

That is my great Lent debate of 2012. What are you considering giving up? Are you even participating? Talk to me people.

Why 32 is Better Than 28

2012-01-23T13:49:00.000-05:00

Just a couple of reasons...

1. My job doesn't suck the life out of me.

2. I have time to invest in friends and family.

3. My relationships are stronger - probably as a result of #2.

4. I have time to volunteer with one of my favorite organizations - International Justice Mission.

5. There have been a small handful of people I love who have intentionally tried to make this birthday a good one. (In all fairness, there were people who did the same thing 4 years ago, but it feels different this year.)

6. And I get to spend the day watching this cutie pie...how can that be a bad thing?

Passion 2012 - The Final Post

2012-01-09T21:03:00.000-05:00

Here are the final pictures from Passion. You know you want to come volunteer next year....!

Every person at Passion (including volunteers) was given a flyer with a specific minute during the conference to stop and pray. Each flyer had a sticker with a specific word on it around which to pray. After praying, you were to take off the sticker and put it on the big black letters that were all over the place. (On the final day, they put the letters together on the plaza and it read "Together We Are A Force For Good.")

Volunteers working hard to hang all of the white flags.

Me and a teammate zip-tying wood chips for the Freedom Art Installation.

I just really like this picture of me and thought I'd share it with you all. =)

Passion 2012 - Part Two

2012-01-09T20:34:00.000-05:00

This year the focus of Do Something Now was ending slavery. Students were challenged with a goal of giving $1 million, supporting 6 organizations who work to prevent, rescue and restore modern day slaves. After they gave toward the cause, they received a white flag and went outside to the International Plaza to participate in creating the Freedom Art Installation. The Freedom Art Installation was a 103' structure that was covered in objects typically made by slaves - christmas ornaments, jeans, candy bars, shoes, soccer balls, etc. Throughout the conference, teams of men worked on erecting the structure and on Wednesday night, they had an unveiling. After the community groups, the students participated in a silent walk to International Plaza where they stood, in a reverent silence for close to an hour. At midnight, they lit candles and the Freedom Art Installation was illuminated. They cheered, chanted FREEDOM, sang songs of worship and celebrated the hope that we can end slavery in our lifetime. It was unbelievably profound and moving. Words fall short to describe what we all experienced there. Not that this is the point, but including a gift of $500,000, the students gave over $3.3 million dollars toward ending slavery, not to mention all of the towels and socks they brought and all the money they gave toward the World Tour stops taking place later this year.

The arm being built.

They hung 27,000 white flags all over International Plaza. Each flag represented 1,000 slaves that current exist in our world. (In case you can't do the math, that equals 27 million slaves!)

Candles lit and awaiting the unveiling.

Passion 2012 - Part One

2012-01-09T20:05:00.000-05:00

As always, Passion 2012 was an amazing experience. Our team (Logistics) was all over the place throughout the conference - building Community Group backdrops, serving lunch to students, helping to build the Freedom Art Installation, crowd control, helping collect $ for Do Something Now, Load-Out. The hours were long but it was so much fun. We also got to experience a little bit of the conference this time and I'm thankful that I actually got to sit in on a full session (with Charlie Hall and Francis Chan leading) and one full late night (Hillsong United). Perhaps my favorite part of volunteering with Passion is serving alongside other people who love Jesus and college students. Unfortunately I don't have pictures of most of our team, but here are a few. I cannot wait for next year.

Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

Psalm 84:10

Me and My Mama - she was working in the 268 Store

Me, Suzanne and Jennifer - we've been on the same team for the past 3 years.

I consider them my Passion family.

100 Days of Pictures is Over!!!!

2012-01-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

Here are the final photos from my 100 day challenge. I'm so thankful it is over and no longer the pressure of having to find something new each day. Overall I really enjoyed this challenge. I've taken a ton pictures of things I wouldn't normally photograph. And I've learned that you can choose to see beauty - you just have to be intentional about it. It may sound a little dramatic but I feel like I'm learning to see the world through a different lens and by choosing to see it that way, I am more engaged with the world around me.

Thanks for joining me on the journey.

Day Ninety-Two

Acclimate

There's something special about knowing people all over the world are

reading the same verses of scripture you are.

Day Ninety-Three

Christmas Tree

Day Ninety-Four

Quinn Opening Presents

He is the sweetest little man. I just want to eat him up.

Day Ninety-Five

Rose

Day Ninety-Six

Cross

Day Ninety-Seven

Cold, Blustery & Beautiful Day

I love living in a city on the water. Even better, I love walking along the waterfront. There's beauty in the city when you choose to see it.

Day Ninety-Eight

Hands

There's something sweet and special about a baby holding your finger.

Day Ninety-Nine

Shimmery

Like any girl, I love things that sparkle. =)

Day One Hundred

Happy 2012

My friend Cristen all decked out & ready to celebrate the New Year.

Close to the End!

2011-12-23T16:10:00.000-05:00

Day Eighty-Five

Little Town of Bethlehem

Day Eighty-Six

Harbor East

I love everything about this photo - the trees wrapped with lights, the tall buildings, the perspective. I also enjoyed the walk I took that day to get this photo.

Day Eighty-Seven

Ice Sculpture

There was a festival in Harbor East this day called "Let It Snow." Usually street

festivals are a lot of fun, but this was the absolute worst one I've ever seen. We dubbed it a "festi-fail." There were a couple of positives however - fun with some friends, lunch at James Joyce pub and the ice sculptures.

Day Eighty-Eight

Kisses

Day Eighty-Nine

Snowflake

Day Ninety

Safe House of Hope Drop-In

This is a small glimpse of what life at the drop-in center looks like. Women can drop by for a bit, eat lunch, get some clothes and toiletries and just hang out. Some days we run depression skills groups or cooking classes. Some days there are nurse practitioners helping the clients with some of their health issues and questions. They can always find a friendly face and listening ear - a safe place.

Day Ninety-One

Leela Jane

I couldn't let the rest of the 100 days go by without posting another picture of little Leela. She is so cute and sweet and I absolutely love watching her each week. And, seriously, who can resist a baby this cute?!?!

Favorite Christmas Songs

2011-12-16T23:06:00.000-05:00

Last week my roommate, Annie, and I were discussing our favorite Christmas songs. We had two categories - hymns and non-religious. Both of us agreed, hands down, that O Holy Night is our favorite Christmas hymn. The lyrics and message of the song are so powerful. I actually cry every time I sing the second verse. Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother and in His name all oppression shall cease. Seriously, I cry every time. I think it is because I believe with all of my heart that God’s plan for setting the oppressed free is us - His children, the slave’s brother/sister. And it is only in His name, the name of Jesus, all people are truly set free. I could go on and on about all of the things that I love about this song. I could go verse by verse and break it all down for you, but I won’t. Instead, here are the lyrics of the song. Read them. I mean, really read them. Ponder them. Let them sink in. I guarantee that if you do, you’ll never think of the song the same way again. It’ll take on a new meaning and it will move you every time you sing it.

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;

It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born!

O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His Gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother

And in His Name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy Name!

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born!

O night, O holy night, O night divine

For the record, my favorite non-religious Christmas song (I think - I mean there are a LOT of great Christmas songs out there) is Christmas Tonight by Dave Barnes. It’s not that well known yet, but it should be. And I should tell you, that for the purposes of our conversation we decided that All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey does NOT count because everyone loves it.

What about you? What are your favorite Christmas hymns/songs?

More 100 Days Photos

2011-12-16T22:02:00.001-05:00

Day Seventy-Eight

Lights on 34th Street

Lynn came down from PA for the weekend and spent the first night with me. Not wanting to waste a perfectly great sister night, we went to 34th Street in Hampden to see the Christmas lights. For those of you not familiar with Christmas in Baltimore, there is one block of 34th Street that goes all out at Christmas with their lights and decorations. Seriously, it's amazing. Thousands of people make their way to the block checking out the lights & decorations and drinking hot chocolate. If you are ever in Baltimore during the Christmas season, I highly recommend you check it out.

Day Seventy-Nine

Decorating Cookies with Grandma

Everyone came to my house to make Christmas goodies. We make some super yummy stuff - and LOTS of it. My mom sat down with Paigey & Quinn for a bit to help them decorate the sugar cookies.

Day Eighty

Carol Singers at Christmas on the Court

The Walters Art Museum had a free event called Christmas on the Court. Annie and I went having no idea what to expect or if it would be fun. Part of their program were these carol singers dressed in Dickens-era clothing. They sang all kinds of Christmas songs including old ones in French and German. They were really good and the acoustics in the court were amazing. I think we're planning on going back next Christmas.

Day Eighty-One

Overcast Night on the Waterfront

Day Eighty-Two

Stockings

Day Eighty-Three

Spiral Lights

You know those spiral Christmas tree light decorations that people put in front of their homes? Yeah, this is the inside of one. My dad gave me the idea because I was

fresh out that day.

Day Eighty-Four

Little Annie. Big Tree.

Annie and I went downtown to see the light show at the Power Plant. First, we thought it was at Power Plant Live, not the Power Plant building so we missed the beginning. Second, the show was super short so even though we missed the beginning (by maybe 5 minutes) it was almost over by the time we got there. My plan had been to take a picture of the light show, but they turned out pretty lame. Thankfully we had seen this huge blue tree earlier and took a pic.

Three Quarters of the Way There!

2011-12-11T12:10:00.000-05:00

It's a really good possibility that the majority of the pictures for the remainder of this 100 day challenge will be Christmas related because I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! I'll try to keep it interesting though.

Day Seventy-One

Christmas Tree

I went down to my parents house to help them decorate for Christmas. My niece and

nephew were there as well and helped us decorate the tree. It was a long day,

but their house looks amazing.

Day Seventy-Two

Jellyfish Invasion

National Aquarium in Baltimore

The jellyfish exhibit was awesome. I had no idea how many different types of

jellyfish there are and some of them were stunningly beautiful.

Day Seventy-Three

A Very Excited Annie

Christmas Parade in Hampden

The Christmas parade was a lot of fun - Hampden is THE neighborhood to visit during the Christmas season - and there were a lot of fascinating sites. The highlight, for Annie, was seeing the Glen Burnie High School marching band (we both graduated from GBHS).

She was hilarious.

Day Seventy-Four

Tag, Fells Point, Baltimore, MD

Day Seventy-Five

Railroad Crossing

Day Seventy-Six

Perfect Wrapping Job

Day Seventy-Seven

My Favorite Christmas Ornament

This is one of the ornaments given to me as a baby for my Christmas.

The Wrong Thing

2011-12-07T23:00:00.000-05:00

Have you ever found yourself praying and praying and praying for something - for days, maybe weeks - just to realize you’ve been asking God for the wrong thing?

I woke up at 2:30 a.m. last night and couldn’t fall back asleep. I was worried about a few things and when that happens, my mind races and I have a hard time reigning it back in and calming down enough to sleep. Usually my solution is pray about whatever is going on (and whatever else I can think of) and just keep praying until I’m at peace and can finally fall back asleep.

So as I was laying awake in bed, filled with anxiety, I began to pray. And I began to ask God for the same things I’ve been praying about for weeks. I need a job. I want to work at (very specific place whose name I’ll omit for now). Money is running out. I want to work. I need to work. I’m not sure how I’ll make it through January, so I really need you to come through for me. Please give me a job. Please let me find work that won’t interrupt the new rhythms I’ve created. I really like some of the new things in my schedule. I don’t want to give them up. Help me find a job where I can do it all.

As I continued to lay there, desperately trying to fall back asleep, I suddenly realized that I have been praying for the wrong thing. I realized that all of those petitions were “I” statements. I was making my prayers all about me, me, me. Here I was praying to the Creator of the universe, Almighty God and I was telling Him all about what I wanted - and basically demanding He do it. Wow. In that moment, God reminded me who He is and who I am not. He did it in that kind, loving way of His that immediately leads to heartbreak and the desire to change and it get it right. (On a side note: Can I just say how thankful I am that God does not smite us for our arrogance and ignorance when we speak to Him as if we know better than He does?!)

So now my prayer needs to change. Instead of asking God for all of the things that I want, I need to start asking Him what He wants. I need to ask Him to open my eyes to see where He is working around me. I need to ask for more of Him in my life. And then I need to shut up and listen to what He has to say.

Dollar Day at the Aquarium

2011-12-03T18:18:00.000-05:00

This weekend Baltimore is having Dollar or Less Days. A lot of the museums and attractions are only charging a dollar (or less) for admission. Not wanting to miss out on such a great deal, Debbie brought the kids up and we took them to the National Aquarium. I haven't been there in close to a decade, so it was fun to go back. While it was super crowded, it was still a fun day. The kids were patient while we waited in line for tickets and then they were super cute looking at the different fish, sharks, birds, frogs, etc. Here are a couple of pics from the day...

Kind of hard to see, but they are making silly faces

Look at that huge ray Aunt Becky!

So cute watching the turtle

Aunt Becky and Paigey

Intently watching the dolphin training

She loves the dolphins

Only Four More Weeks To Go...

2011-12-01T23:01:00.000-05:00

It's been a fun week and I've been out and about a bit more than normal which makes picture taking easier. I'm hoping that the last couple of weeks will give me some really good opportunities for taking pictures. The city is doing a lot of free Christmas events and I'm hoping to partake in some of the festivities. Should make for a fun Christmas season. =)

Day Sixty-Four

Alleyway in Fells Point

Baltimore, MD

When I was little my mom would bring us to the city to visit our great-grandparents. They had an alleyway between their house and the one next door. I was always fascinated and a little freaked out by it. Now it's one of my favorite features

of older rowhomes.

Day Sixty-Five

My Friends on Sleep Tour Day

Annapolis, MD

I am so thankful for the crazy busy restaurant season of life is over and I can enjoy hanging out with these ladies again. They are so much fun, it's kind of ridiculous.

Day Sixty-Six

Pride & Prejudice

My roommate, Annie, is reading through each of Jane Austen's novels. Her goal is to have a beautiful hardback, leatherbound copy of each. This one is particularly beautiful.

Day Sixty-Seven

Cross

Canton, Baltimore, MD

Day Sixty-Eight

Lombard Street

Baltimore, MD

I consider this photo to be a failure. I love driving down this street and seeing the buildings of downtown in the background. I took several photos trying to capture what my eyes are seeing, but I couldn't do it. Oh well, moving on...

Day Sixty-Nine

Pagoda, Patterson Park

Baltimore, MD

Day Seventy

Monument Lighting, Mount Vernon

Baltimore, MD

This was the first time since moving to the city (5 years ago!) that I have been able to make it to the lighting. It was fun and beautiful. I can't believe I've missed out on this all these years. Time for me to start a new Christmas in the city tradition.

What Week Is This? More Photos

2011-11-24T20:41:00.000-05:00

Feels good to be into the second half of this challenge...

Day Fifty-Seven

USS Constellation

This the last Civil War era ship in existence and one of the

last sail-powered ships built by the Navy.

Day Fifty-Eight

Row of Boats, Harbor East

Day Fifty-Nine

Tea Party

Super fun Sunday afternoon tea party with friends. The food was amazing and the

company was the best. Love this group of friends - always entertaining.

Day Sixty

Baltimore Backyards, Locust Point

Nothing like a cement slab for a backyard. No grass to be mowed, no leaves to rake.

But it does hurt more when you fall...

Day Sixty-One

View from the Train, DC

Once a week I take the Metro to Northern VA. Coming out of the tunnel on the yellow line you see this - Jefferson Memorial with the Washington Monument in the far background. DC is a rather picturesque city.

Day Sixty-Two

Safe House of Hope Thanksgiving Meal

A couple of weeks ago I started volunteering with an anti-sex trafficking ministry in Baltimore called Safe House of Hope. They run a Drop-In Center twice a week for women to come have a safe place to hang out, get a good meal and relax. This Wednesday we all sat down to a wonderful Thanksgiving feast. My favorite part was listening to the clients share what they were thankful for. I'm learning a lot from them.

Day Sixty-Three

Family

I always forget to take photos at family events. so this is one was an afterthought. It's just some of my family lounging around watching football after we ate. This was the first time I hosted a major holiday at my house. I always love being with the whole family, but it was extra special to have them all at my house. My favorite part of the day was having my mom, sister and two aunts in the kitchen helping me get the meal together - we were all working together and it was a really great moment for me.

It's Been A Great Day - Part Two

2011-11-18T23:39:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's fun to be a tourist in your own city

USS Constellation

I am inexplicably drawn to this ship

Seriously, I love it =)

Federal Hill and Harborview in the distance

Power Plant and my favorite Barnes & Noble

Sculpture and downtown

Chesapeake Lightship (Norwegian ship in the distance)

I love living in a city on the water

Makes my heart happy

Seagull watching the sunset (I used to call them "seaks")

It's Been A Great Day - Part One

2011-11-18T23:19:00.000-05:00

I needed to get out and take a walk today so I headed to the Harbor. There was a Norwegian ship in port that was open to the public. So I walked around the deck and took a ton of pictures. Afterward I walked around the Harbor taking even more photos. I have found that taking photos for this 100 day challenge is either feast or famine - I either have a ton to choose from (like today) or I'm struggling to find one (like most days). Today was so much fun and I took some great photos so I thought I'd share. Hope you like them.

Norwegian Ship

I wish I could see it with all the sails unfurled.

It must be stunningly gorgeous.

Lots of ropes

Great combination of city and sea

Glad I'm not the one who has to climb up this

(There were two more levels above this one!)

This ship was huge

Flying their flag proudly

Someone must know the purpose of all these ropes...

Just to prove I was there =)

Walking the plank

Yet Another Week in the Books

2011-11-18T14:06:00.000-05:00

During the past two weeks, I've had a hard time finding time to search out things to photograph. It's due to two things: the time change (it's dark really early and I find I keep running out of daylight to explore) and my schedule has gotten busier. Regardless, I have yet to miss a day even if some of them are pretty lame.

Day Fifty

My Christmas Tree

I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. I always feels like the Christmas season flies by and I don't get a chance to enjoy it so I began early. Only the tree is up so far and I plan to wait until after Thanksgiving to put up the rest of the decorations.

Day Fifty-One

Bright, Shiny Christmas Ornaments

Day Fifty-Two

Old Pabst Brewing Co, Baltimore, MD

The way the moon and the clouds were shining this night, it looked like a spooky castle. I still haven't figured out how to take good pictures in the dark.

Day Fifty-Three

Gorgeous Sunset Sky, Patterson Park

Day Fifty-Four

Doo Wop Trio, Crystal City Metro Station

During the evening rush hour there's usually a guy playing guitar and singing, but this week these guys were there singing. They were pretty good. If it wasn't for the fact that I had a long commute home, I would have stood around for a bit listening.

Day Fifty-Five

Flowers

Day Fifty-Six

Another Gorgeous Sunset Sky, Locust Point

I know I posted two pictures of the sky this week, but the sunset sky has been absolutely gorgeous this week.

We've Reached the Halfway Point!

2011-11-11T17:18:00.000-05:00

Halfway there. I kind of wish we were at the end, but I think I can hang in there for 51 more days. However uninspired I felt this week, it produced some of my favorite pictures to date.

Day Forty-Three

Do Something Now

My lame-est effort to date. I was with my Grandma all day and could have taken a picture of the two of us or of the Reese's Pieces Sundae I had a Friendly's. But I forgot and couldn't come up with anything. However, I do love this sticker (it's on my laptop) and all of the causes DSN is supporting.

Day Forty-Four

Afternoon Sun at Fort McHenry

My favorite place in the city for more than one reason.

Day Forty-Five

Sisters Laughing Hysterically

I'd show you the other pictures I took of us that lead to this moment,

but they might kill me...

Day Forty-Six

Downtown Sunset

Day Forty-Seven

Beautiful Fall Afternoon, Crystal City, VA

Day Forty-Eight

My Kitchen

Believe it or not, this beautiful, amazing, awesome kitchen is not entirely going to waste. I have actually been doing some cooking. And the baked chicken and zucchini I made the night I took this was a winner.

Day Forty-Nine

Rustic Looking HOME on Exposed Brick, Shelley's House

Every time I'm at Shelley's house (at least twice a week because I watch her baby),

I look at this and think about how much I love it and if she ever wanted to get rid of it,

I'd take it in a heartbeat. =)

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

2011-11-07T15:15:00.000-05:00

Good books

Live music

Friends

Time with my Mom and Dad

Epic stories

Romance

Finding beauty in random and unexpected places

Laughing

Cute babies

Satisfaction of a job well done

Dreaming

Worshipping God - both alone in my car and in a huge crowd of strangers

Chocolate

Inside jokes (as long as I’m on the inside)

Holiday flavored lattes & mochas from Starbucks (i.e. gingerbread, pumpkin spice, salted caramel, peppermint)

Presents - buying, wrapping, giving, receiving

Taking a long walk

Swimming in the ocean

Sunsets

Gerber daisies

Knowing I made the right decision (regardless of circumstance)

Mexican food

Kissing baby hands and cheeks

Roller coasters

Being part of something bigger than myself

Learning from experts

Playing

Social justice

Being around passionate people

Road trips

Naps on the beach

Seeing God at work

Feeling the sun soak into my skin

Reese’s Pieces sundae

Pictures From This Week

2011-11-03T23:05:00.000-04:00

Day Thirty-Six

David Crowder*Band, The 7 Tour, Rams Head Live!

This was their final tour as a band. They played a great set and it was a fabulous night. Jeff went to school with a couple of the guys in the band so afterward we went to the meet and greet, chatted with Mike D for a while and had dinner with Jeremy Bush. It was kind of fun to roll like that for a night. =)

Day Thirty-Seven

Popcorn

I was a major loser this day and totally forgot about taking a picture. This is my last minute, oh shoot I need to take a picture of something, the popcorn's right in

front of me picture.

Day Thirty-Eight

Mom's Watercolor Rowboats

Over the weekend, my mom took a watercolor seminar with a well-known teacher. She usually paints in acrylics so watercolor is a bit of a stretch for her, but you'd never know it by looking at her painting. She swears I could do this, but I'm not so sure.

Day Thirty-Nine

Miss Leela Jane

I love this little face.

Day Forty

Canton United Methodist Church

Day Forty-One

Closet Where I Change the World, IJM Headquarters

I love the time I spend volunteering here. It's my favorite day of the week.

Click here to read more.

Day Forty-Two

Sunset, Canton, Baltimore, MD

An Awful Lot Like Them

2011-10-31T17:01:00.000-04:00

Frequently, when I read the gospels, I mentally give the disciples a hard time. For example, in Matthew 14 they watch Jesus feed 5,000 men (plus women and children) with 5 loaves of bread and two fish. In the very next chapter it is like they forgot all about it. This time there are 4,000 men (plus women and children) and Jesus tells the disciples he wants to feed them before they all leave to go home. The disciples response? “Where are we going to find enough bread to feed everyone?” Seriously?!?! Were they not just present in the last chapter when Jesus fed the crowd? How could they forget that fast?

Just as I start giving the disciples a really hard time for their stupidity, God reminds me that I am an awful lot like them. I could tell several stories of how God has provided for me time and time again, in all kinds of circumstances. Yet somehow I still keep doubting whether or not He will provide today, in this circumstance. Was I not just present in the last chapter of my own life when Jesus provided? Seriously?!?! How could I have forgotten so fast?

The disciples and I are so similar, it’s not even funny. We tend to lose sight of who Jesus really is, we doubt, we lack faith, we “get it” one moment and forget the next. And, thankfully, Jesus has remained the same. He continues to remind, teach, guide, rebuke, correct. Jesus is constantly reminding me that He is everything He says He is, that it is safe to trust Him, that He has a plan, that He is in control. Today, in this moment, I get it. I trust Him, I’m confident that He will do what He said He will do, that He will provide. Tomorrow, possibly even later today, I might forget. But then Jesus will do what He always does. He will remind me yet again.

While I may struggle to remember who Jesus is and to trust my life is in His hands, I am encouraged. Encouraged that Jesus used eleven men, who were very much like me, to change the world. And if God could use them, in all of their weaknesses to change the world, than sure He can use me to do the same.

This Week's Pictures

2011-10-28T13:46:00.000-04:00

Week Five. I've continued to wonder why on earth I decided to do this challenge. But I have found two benefits:
1. I am planning my days better. In order to make sure I can find something to take a picture of day I have been planning different activities - like going on a hike at the state park, taking a walk around a different part of the neighborhood. It's been good for me to have a plan of sorts heading into the day.
2. This challenge has begun to force me to be more creative. On Wednesday this week it was the end of the day, already dark, I was tired and I still hadn't taken a picture of anything. I was going to settle for something stupid (like another picture of the city skyline from my roof) and just say that at least I took a picture of something. But the thought of that really bothered me. I really hate settling and excuses. So I decided to find something in the house that could work. That is the picture of the fall candle. Maybe not the most exciting picture ever, but definitely better and more creative than yet another picture of the skyline.

Day Twenty-Nine

Debbie, Paige & Quinn @ Patterson Park

This was a super fun day with my sister and her kids. We had a blast and laughed a lot.

Day Thirty

Brokeness, Baltimore, MD

They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated. They will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. Isaiah 61:4

Day Thirty-One

Hot Air Balloon, Westminster, MD

Day Thirty-Two

Patterson Park, Baltimore, MD

Day Thirty-Three

Cascade Falls, Patapsco Valley State Park, MD

This was a perfect fall day - sunny, crisp, cool. The woods were beautifully

stunning in their fall splendor.

Day Thirty-Four

Fall Candle, My Living Room

A win for my moment of creativity.

Day Thirty-Five

Dracula & Grim Reaper

Annie and I carved these ourselves. I'm pretty proud of us for actually doing it. Hers is Dracula and mine is the Reaper. It is my small tribute to Sons of Anarchy. Yep, now it's out there - I'm a huge fan of the show. You may now stone me.

Close, but Not Close Enough

2011-10-26T21:27:00.001-04:00

Here are some photos I've taken since starting 100 Days that didn't make the cut on their particular day. I think they're worth sharing and maybe you'll agree.

It's a Matter of Perspective

2011-10-22T11:08:00.002-04:00

It could be seen as a mundane, rather lowly, task. Spending hours boxing up and mailing resources both for individuals and events. 1 L - Women’s T-shirt, 2 DVDs. 1 M - Men’s T-shirt, 1 L - Women’s T-shirt. 3 - books (one of each title). 100 postcards, 50 bookmarks, 50 brochures, 50 career cards, 30 bracelets. If I viewed it as such, I probably would not find much fulfillment in doing it. Anyone who can read can do it. Even a child could learn how to work the postage machine. Box. Label. Ship. Easy.

But I choose to see it differently.

Every Wednesday afternoon I head to International Justice Mission (IJM) to spend the afternoon volunteering. Wednesday has become my favorite day of the week because of how much I enjoy my work (and the people!) there. My main responsibility is shipping resources. Online store orders as well as resources for conferences and church events. Some weeks I have a LOT to do (like when I’m shipping resources for 6 different events and there are multiple boxes for each that need to be put together for each event and shipped). Other weeks, I get it done pretty quickly and have time to help out on other projects.

Here is how I choose to view what I am doing. What I do helps spread awareness of the injustice that exists in our world and practical ways people can get involved in the work of justice. I help to spread awareness of the work that IJM is doing throughout the world and as well as here in the States.

At this point I have shipped resources that have reached tens of thousands of people. Imagine how many of those people have been personally impacted by what they have learned about injustice - through a speaker, through reading material, through media. Imagine how many of them have decided that they need to get involved in the work of justice - either in their own community or across the globe. Imagine all of the time, energy and resources that have started being donated for the work of justice as a result of the decisions these people have made to live their lives a little bit differently because of what they have learned. Imagine all of the people who are currently being oppressed, beaten, bruised, violated and are without hope. Imagine how many of them will soon experience freedom, restoration, justice, hope. All because one girl from Baltimore spends a couple of hours each week in a hot, tiny closet boxing up and shipping resources. (Well okay, maybe not only because of me.)

But I am changing the world. One box at a time.

One Fourth of the Way There!

2011-10-20T21:20:00.000-04:00

As of this week, I am officially a quarter of the way through 100 days of pictures. I think I've slipped into default mode which is just taking pictures of the city. I love Baltimore. It is my town. I think there are lots of beautiful and interesting things to take pictures of here. So, of course, there will be pictures of the city, but I think I need to break out of the box. I'm not sure how to do that, but I'm going to try.

Day Twenty-two

Fall

This tree is in my parents' neighbor's yard and is always one of the

most beautiful trees in the fall.

Day Twenty-three

Phoenix Shot Tower

I thought this place was super cool until I learned it was used for making bird shot. But I do still love it, it is unique to Baltimore and it does look cool. They were giving free tours last weekend so my roommate and I checked it out. We were hoping to go to the top, but they weren't allowing people up there. That was kind of lame, but seeing all of the stairs leading up was a bit awe inspiring.

Day Twenty-four

Natty Boh

For any non-Baltimorean friends, Natty Boh used to be brewed here in Baltimore

and is still a staple of our city. This sign sits on top of the Natty Boh tower in Brewer's

Hill and watches over the city both day and night. Maybe one of these days I'll take

a picture of his at night...

Day Twenty-five

Median strip on Route 43, White Marsh, MD

Day Twenty-six

Rowhomes, Baltimore, MD

One of my favorite features of the city - it's rowhomes.

Day Twenty-seven

Train Crossing

Day Twenty-eight

Downtown Baltimore

Live Curious

2011-10-19T20:40:00.000-04:00

I love great questions. Like when, at the end of a lecture, someone asks a question that seeks to go deeper into the material presented (not something dumb that the presenter actually addressed in the lecture had the person been listening). Or like when you are listening to someone interview another person and they ask a question that never would have occurred to you to even ask but it’s the perfect question. I love those questions.

You would think that because I love a great question I would ask great (or at least good) questions, but it’s not true. In fact I ask seldom ask questions and when I do, they usually are not not very good. Sadly, part of the reason I seldom ask questions is because I don’t like looking as though I don’t know something. I like to be smart, informed, intelligent, in the know. It’s a pride thing, really. Or sometimes I’ll be in an environment where I really do want to learn and know as much as possible about whatever it happens to be but I cannot think of a single question to ask. Not one. Seriously. Not. One. How can that possible? My brain that makes itself crazy analyzing things all the time suddenly can’t come up with a single question?! There is nothing that I’m curious about?! ARGH!

The question I asked myself this past week is how can I go about learning to ask better questions. The answer I gave myself (you know, I was thinking and my mind told me...) was to practice. How do you get better at a sport? Practice. How do you learn to play an instrument better? Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice. So I have decided to quit trying to be so cool, pretending I know everything, or that I don’t care about something I don’t know about just because I don’t want to have to admit I don’t know anything, humble myself and ask questions.

Heart Ripped Out

2011-10-15T11:55:00.000-04:00

Last week I was in Atlanta for the Catalyst Conference. I hadn’t been to one of their conferences in over a year, but I just felt like I needed to be there. I can’t explain it, it was just a gut feeling that I couldn’t shake. In the days leading up to the conference, God worked out some amazing things - like a free place to stay, money to cover the registration fees and gas to commute both ways. To me, it felt like God was setting the stage for an encounter with Him. And I did encounter Him in a powerful way. At first it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. But God doesn’t hurt us except to bring healing and wholeness. I think the best way to communicate how I encountered Jesus is to share with you portions of my journal entries from those days. Thank you for letting me share my heart and part of my journey with you.

10/4/11

I know I need to be here [Catalyst]. I know God has something specific for me here. I really want to hear from Him on what comes next for my life. I’ve got about 6 weeks before the money runs out. I’m starting to get nervous and I want to know.

(I love the moments when God changes my heart as I’m writing) But I want more than anything to encounter Jesus face-to-face this week. I want to hear Him speak. My prayer is that I will be open - heart, mind & soul - to Him. Get rid of what I think I need to hear, what I think He’ll say. Just listen. Absorb His presence. His words for me. I want my life to be altered by my experience with Him this week. Come, Lord Jesus, come.

10/5/11

I feel totally wrecked and undone at the moment. I was in the session with Joel Houston. He was being interviewed by Brad Lomenick and was asked about the issues/problems he sees in the church. The first two were normal to me, nothing out of the ordinary (consumerism & growing weary). I feel like the third has cut my heart open - comparison. I have such a hard time with that.

In comparison with other people, I fear that I’m not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not talented enough, have a vision big enough, novel enough, unique enough. I feel like I will always be alone and that my life and imprint will be mediocre at best, always lacking.

I’ve somehow come to believe the lies and I’m not sure how or when it happened.

Then he [Joel] said it, “Walk in your own shoes.” Quit trying to look the way you think others will approve of. Quit wishing your story was their story. Quit comparing your life to everyone else’s.

Rebekah - you were created to walk your own path. You were created to live a life unique to you. Stop believing the lies. Start believing that you are beautiful. That you have something unique to offer. Walk in your own shoes. Step by step. Following the lamp at your feet. Believe God. Believe who He is. Believe what He says - about Himself, about His people, about His plans, about YOU!

10/6/11

(Afternoon) It is time to begin a passionate pursuit of God. There was a time when I was deep in the scriptures, desperately seeking Jesus. Somewhere along the way I lost that sense of my desperate need for Jesus. I learned the “right way” to live a missional life but I substituted my abilities and passions for God’s power and presence. I stopped seeking God’s approval and started seeking man’s approval.

It might sound dumb, but the past two days have reminded me that the cross is for me too. I am a miserable wreck without Jesus. I have been sinning against Him. And I am gutted by my sin. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

(Evening) I just looked full into the face of Jesus tonight and felt completely, totally, wholly loved. And I didn’t shrink back. Tonight I realized that I’ve believed if I looked straight into Jesus’ eyes He would be disappointed with what He saw. It was a lie. I was wrong. I found that when I looked full into His face, He drew me completely in and enveloped me with His love. I am not lacking. I am not a disappointment. I am His and He loves all of me. Can’t believe it’s taken me this long to figure it out. But I am so glad I did.

I feel like a burden has been lifted. I am enough. I don’t have to prove myself. I can cease striving to gain His approval. Jesus. His love. It is all that I need. Amen. And Amen!

100 Days Continue

2011-10-15T11:36:00.000-04:00

This week turned out to be a bit more challenging because I was sick all week and really not wanting to do anything. Instagram has turned out to be a good tool because the filters make the pictures look way cooler than they originally started.

Day Fifteen

Be Present - Catalyst East 2011

Thought from Joel Houston:

Being Present = A Call to Engage

Day Sixteen

Atlanta, GA

Downtown Atlanta as seen from a trolley window on our way to the GA Tech/MD game.

Day Seventeen

Sunset

It's hard to find something to take a picture of when you are driving, literally, all day.

Day Eighteen

Home

Day Nineteen

My Office for the Day, Baltimore, MD

Day Twenty

On top of Federal Hill, Baltimore, MD

Day Twenty-One

58: The Film

Go see this movie if you have the chance. We have the ability to end extreme

poverty globally within the next 10 years. It's way more possible than you think.

Sacred Space

2011-10-11T20:38:00.000-04:00

There is a place that I like to go when I really need to connect with Jesus. It is my favorite place in the city for several reasons. One reason is that it is quiet and peaceful and there is enough space that I can feel alone with God even though I’m still in public. Ever since I moved to the city (possibly even before then, but I can’t remember for sure) it has been the spot where I go to meet with Jesus. Frequently I go there with eager anticipation and expectation knowing I am meeting Him. Sometimes I go there trembling inside because I know God will speak and I’m not sure that I’m going to like it.

I went there today. Like normal, I found the right piece of ground and I spread my blanket out on the grass. I put my bag, books, Bible on the blanket. Then I removed my shoes and sat down. Then the question hits me, “Why do I always remove my shoes?” The answer that came to me was because that ground has become a sacred space. When I go there specifically for the purpose of meeting with God, I have the sense that the ground is Holy, that the space is sacred. Is there anything particularly great and wonderful about that particular place? Nope. Is there anything extraordinary about it? Of course not, its just a patch of grass in the middle of a park. But it becomes sacred when I meet with Jesus because His presence makes it holy.

This isn’t the only sacred space I’ve ever had. One summer when I worked at camp, it was on the steps behind the nurses station where no one ever went. When I’m at the beach, I like to sit on the sand in the dark overlooking the water and that ground becomes sacred. Ordinary places made sacred because of Who is present.

These places are by no means the only places where I meet with Jesus and hear Him speaking to me, but through something supernatural they have become places of deep connection with Him. The moments I have shared with Him are ones that I wouldn’t trade for the world. They have shaped my life in profound ways and I am grateful for the space.

2nd Week of Pictures

2011-10-10T22:46:00.000-04:00

It was a little bit easier taking pics this last week because there was a lot going on. Here's week two in review.

Day Eight

Crystal City, VA

Day Nine

Kali's Court Restaurant, Fells Point, Baltimore

This restaurant is super nice and super expensive.

Maybe one day I'll be able to go on a date here...

Day Ten

House Church Party

This was a beautiful night. Multiple house churches throughout the city got together to get to know each, share their heart and their vision. Then we all prayed for each other.

It was a beautiful night. While I think it would have been a cool to have a picture of everyone praying together, I decided to be in the moment and just take this not great one afterward.

Day Eleven

Miss Leela Jane

I get to babysit this cutiepie twice a week. She's super cute and we have fun together.

Day Twelve

On the Road, I-85

On the road headed to Atlanta and Catalyst Conference.

Day Thirteen

Gwinnett Center, Duluth, GA

Day Fourteen

Propaganda, Catalyst Conference

Propaganda is a spoken word artist that performed multiple times at the conference.

He is really good. I admire people who have that ability.

First Week's Pictures

2011-09-30T20:20:00.000-04:00

Here's a recap (plus a couple of stories) from the first week of my 100 day challenge. So far this is pretty challenging. I'm kind of worried that I won't be able to do this. But we'll see.

Day One

Queen Anne Marina, Stevensville, MD

This was taken at the marina my great-uncle used to own.

I went there to look around and reminisce.

Day Two

Party hats from my childhood birthdays.

Day Three

Peabody Library, Baltimore, MD

Day Four

Crooked steps

The night I took this picture, I had a serious migraine. I had meant to take the picture earlier while it was still light but forgot. The steps lead to my friend's house. I was there with a group of people to hear about the trip she, her husband and two others are getting ready to take. They are going to a dangerous place because they want to share Jesus with the nations. It was a beautiful night listening to them share their hearts with their friends and us praying for them in return. I can't wait to hear their stories.

Day Five

Final journal entry

I don't journal very often so it took me 2 years to finish this one. It was great to look back through the entries and see how God has moved in my life. I am grateful.

Day Six

My niece, Paige, reading to me for the first time.

Day Seven

Ukrainian Orthodox Church, Baltimore, MD

One of my favorite buildings in the city. It's in my neighborhood and I have a view of it from both my roof and my front porch. My friends and I refer to it as the Magic Kingdom or Aladdin's Palace.

Mount Vernon

2011-09-25T15:27:00.000-04:00

This afternoon I went with a couple of friends over to the Mount Vernon neighborhood in the city for the Baltimore Book Festival. The festival itself was just okay, but we got to get a peak inside Peabody Institute. As we were walking back to the car we decided to also take a tour of the Baltimore Basilica which is the oldest cathedral in America. Here are some pics from our day...

Peabody Institute, Mount Vernon, Baltimore, MD

Inside Peabody Library. By far the coolest

library I've ever seen.

It looks like it belongs in a movie.

It even smells like old books - which I love.

Baltimore Basilica, America's First Cathedral

Baltimore, MD

It made my day when the man said photos were permitted.

Prayer candles

Entrance to the crypt below the cathedral

Inside the crypt

I had no idea stuff like this existed in America,

much less Baltimore.

It also seems like it should be in a movie.

One Down, Ninety-Nine To Go...

2011-09-23T17:41:00.000-04:00

I had my days a little bit off in the previous post so today, Friday, September 23, is Day One of my 100 day challenge. I have been wanting to go to the Eastern Shore for a day and because today was the official kickoff of the challenge, I decided it was perfect timing for my little field trip. I definitely will NOT be doing this every day, but you have to start strong, right? I went to see the marina my great-uncle used to own/run. I can only remember visiting a handful of times when I was younger, but I was just old enough then to have some faint memories of what it looked like. Thankfully, the current owners were really nice and let me walk around and take pictures. The place has change A LOT in the last 20 years (the last time I was there was just after my great-grandmother died) but it was nice to go back for a brief visit. There were a couple pictures that I felt turned out well, so I'll share them with you.

Kent Narrows, MD

This is one I chose to be the official Day One photo. I used a filter when I

posted it on Instagram.

Queen Anne Marina, Stevensville, MD

This one isn't great, I'm just amused by the fact that these planes are

sitting on a small little airstrip between rows of houses.

Stevensville, MD

100 Day Challenge

2011-09-18T13:29:00.000-04:00

I've decided, after much debate with myself, to do a 100 Day Challenge. This Thursday (9/22) marks 100 days until the end of the year. So starting Thursday, I've decided to find one thing to take a picture of every day - something that catches my eye, that I find to be beautiful. I might fail miserably. I might take terrible photos where the beauty that I see just doesn't translate to the photo itself. I might get sidetracked and self-involved and miss something beautiful. I might forget. But I also might succeed. I might take some amazing photos. I might find beauty in unexpected places.

This project is primarily for my own personal benefit. To train myself to see the world differently, to see beauty, to not live inside of myself and disengaged from the world. But I also want to share this journey, because its a lot more fun to take a journey with people than by myself. I'm not totally sure how I will be sharing the photos, but I think I might post one each day on Twitter/Facebook and then once a week post a "week in review" here on the blog. We'll see. I might experiment with it until I find something that works. Bear with me. Walk with me. Let's see what happens in 100 days.

*Because I believe in giving credit where credit is due, I need to mention that the idea for doing a challenge came from my roommate, Annie. She and some co-workers came up with it. Through talking about her plans for the challenge (she's giving up one habit and starting one habit), I started thinking about what I might want to and there you have it.

**My main reasons for not wanting to do this challenge are that 1) 100 days is a really long time and 2) I fear failure. I've decided that both of those reasons are precisely why I should do it.

You Might Not Like These Pics, But I Do - Part 2

2011-09-08T18:50:00.000-04:00

I like these too!

Mount Vernon, Alexandria, VA

Jefferson City, TN on old Main Street

Jefferson City, TN

Hobbiton - or path leading to an underground cellar at Ft. McHenry, Baltimore, MD

Cannonballs, Ft. McHenry, Baltimore, MD

Flag flying over the fort similar to what Francis Scott Key saw when we wrote the Star-Spangled Banner. Ft. McHenry, Baltimore, MD

You Might Not Like These Pics, But I Do

2011-09-07T23:27:00.007-04:00

I've been looking back some pictures I've taken over the past year. Most are "blah" at best, but these I happen to really like.

Rocks State Park, MD

Silly me. I thoughts swings were supposed to be fun, not morbid.

Governor's Mansion, Annapolis, MD

Annapolis, MD

You've Been Wondering How I've Been Spending My Time...

2011-09-06T21:37:00.001-04:00

No one may care about what I'm reading or listening to or watching or whatever. BUT I like reading other people's blogs that shed light on what they are into. I've actually discovered some great stuff by doing so. Here's my list (none of these are in any particular order):

Books I'm Reading (or Have Recently Finished)

Tribes by Seth Godin. Changing how I view leadership and influence.

No More Mondays by Dan Miller. Terrifying, in a good way.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett. While the movie was good, the book was better.

We Who Are Alive and Remain: Untold Stories from the Band of Brothers by Marcus Brotherton. Told by the men themselves.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Yep. I'm a typical girl.

Songs I Can't Get Enough Of

Best Thing by Steve Moakler. His new CD is so much fun, it makes my ears happy.

Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People. Discovered this thanks to my Zachary Levi obsession.

10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman. Connected with my soul from the first moment I heard it.

Take Heart by Hillsong United. Moves me every time I hear it.

Misty Blue by Dorothy Moore. Twitch and Sasha. So You Think You Can Dance.

Latest Obsession

Firefly - I might be a decade late joining the bandwagon, but better late than never

Favorites that I'm Following on Twitter

Gary Haugen (@garyhaugen) - President and CEO of International Justice Mission

Shelley Giglio (@shelleygiglio) - sixstepsrecords and Passion Conferences

Zachary Levi (@zacharylevi) - Star of Chuck and Founder of The Nerd Machine

Dave Barnes (@davebarnesmusic) - Singer/Songwriter and Absolutely Hilarious

CNN Freedom Project (@cnnfreedom) - Joining the Fight to End Modern-Day Slavery

What Will You Do?

2011-08-25T16:39:00.001-04:00

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Isaiah 61:1-4

What if these verses don’t apply only to Jesus? What if Jesus actually wants to use us as His agents to bring His freedom to others? What if we believed - truly believed, in the core of our beings - that God is calling us rebuild, restore, renew people? What would our streets, neighborhoods, cities, countries, the world look like if we lived like we believed this?

Baltimore is a tough city. We are the heroin capital of the US, have the 10th highest HIV rate in the country, and are one of the most violent cities in America. Clearly our city is a place long devastated and has been for generations. What would it look like for Baltimore to be rebuilt, restored and renewed? What would it take for that to happen? The broken hearted would have to be bound up, those captive to addictions, stigmas, poverty, etc would have to be set free and those who are prisoners (of their own doing or someone else’s) would have to be found and brought out of the darkness.

It would require those of us who love Jesus to get our hands dirty. To learn to LOVE people the way Jesus does and get involved in the mess of their lives. But what does that look like? How should we respond? I believe that the answer is as varied and limitless as our imaginations. But all responses and approaches start with DOING SOMETHING.

Today I sent an email to an organization I believe is doing some good work among street workers in our city. I asked them how I can learn more about their work and I’m pursuing ways to get involved. What about you? What will you do? The world (and our cities) cannot afford for us to turn a blind eye.

What's Next?

2011-08-13T20:30:00.002-04:00

That’s the question everyone’s asking.

So here’s the answer:

I have decided to take a month off. A month to rest, decompress, process and pray. A time set aside to seek God and wait on Him. I don’t know what will happen within that time. I don’t know what I will do after it is over. But I feel peace that it is the right decision.

For the next few weeks, I have a couple of things in place to keep me on track and to keep me from wasting my time. Part of that plan is taking time to be still, listen to God and seek Him. I have also lined up a volunteer position in DC once a week with an organization that I support. And I plan to spend some time with my friends and family.

While I have no idea what this next month has in store, one thing is certain - it will be an adventure.

This Season is Coming to a Close (in 4 Days!)

2011-08-04T02:08:00.001-04:00

I’ve spent the last 4 1/2 years working for P.F. Chang’s - 1 1/2 as an hourly, the other 3 as a manager. When I first started with the company, it was a major life change and major step of faith. I did it because I realized that my life as follower of Jesus wasn’t looking anything like the lives of those who followed Jesus in the Bible. It didn’t look anything like Jesus’ life either, for that matter. They spent time with people really different from them, they were constantly in positions that required a great deal of courage and faith, they lived lives of purpose and passion. I, on the other hand, was living a very safe life, surrounded by other Christians. People who looked like me and talked like me, believed like me and thought like me. Nothing I did required any faith or courage. My life was safe - and boring. So I quit my job (at the time I was a Loan Processor and Administrative Assistant) and got a job working in an industry I knew nothing about nor had any experience in - a restaurant, P.F. Chang’s.

At that time, leaving my job was a huge step of faith. I kept wondering what in the world I was doing and whether or not I was crazy. It was a hard transition, I took a pay cut, I became isolated from most of my friends, I was felt like I was just out there, alone. It feels terrible and awkward to admit this now, but it had been so long since I had had friends who weren’t Christians, that I wasn’t sure I knew how to be friends with people who weren’t like me. I remember wondering how I would relate with “them” - totally forgetting that people are just people regardless as to whether they love Jesus or not. And I ended up making friends, good friends, with people who didn’t look like me or talk like me or believe like me or think like me. In some cases, the people I became friends with were exactly opposite from me in every way. What I loved about that period of time was that God taught me to love people the way He loves them - just as they are. I’ve never been the same for it and I’m so thankful.

Then 3 years ago, almost to the week, I was offered a management position with the company. God had been leading me that direction for a while, but the offer came out of no where and caught me totally by surprise. I had a decision to make and once again I felt like God was calling me out of my (new) comfort zone and into the unknown. It was time for another step of faith, another challenge. Those first several months after accepting the position were unbelievably hard. Once again I felt isolated from my friends and that I was just out there, alone. (At least this time I was making more money!) It took me a while to figure out who I was as a manager, to find my style, how to deal with angry guests, how to have the difficult conversation with an employee, how to motivate staff, how to be good at my job. I made a ton of mistakes. I practiced. I sought feedback and advice. Eventually I found my style and came into my own as a manager.

Now I’m really good at what I do. And I enjoy having the confidence of knowing that I can do my job well. Am I perfect? Of course not. Do I make mistakes? Certainly. But I learn from those experiences - and I make it a point of apologizing, as quickly as possible, to the people who were affected by my mistakes. As I reflect on the last three years, I think that going into management at P.F. Chang’s in Towson was one of the best decisions I have ever made - both personally and professionally. The past three years have been difficult, stressful and exhausting. They have also been surprisingly and unbelievably rewarding.

What I haven’t told you yet is that the real reason I decided to go into management was because I wanted to have a greater impact on the people around me. I wanted to be able to engage their lives in a more profound manner. I love to be a part of people’s lives and I thought that if I could be a great manager and create a great a work experience for the people working for me, then maybe I could have some kind of positive impact of their personal lives as well. That desire, that goal, was and is definitely idealistic in nature but it is as true for me today as it was three years ago.

I have spent the better part of the past three years wondering if I’ve accomplished that goal. Have I impacted anyone’s life for the better? Does what I’m doing even matter? Am I just wasting time? I’ve honestly been haunted by those questions because most days it doesn’t feel like it. Most days feel like I’m just making it through another shift, managing to get all of the details taken care of, barely having time to connect with anyone.

While I made the decision to leave the company over two months ago, last week I started having personal conversations with my staff letting them know that was leaving. I never thought leaving would be easy (I really, really love the people I work with), but those conversations were so much harder than I imagined. I expected shock and disbelief and, maybe from one or two, a bit of sadness and a couple of tears. But I got tears from more than just one or two, disbelief and shock from most - and lots of sadness. I really didn’t expect it, not like that. It’s actually making the process of leaving so much harder and more emotional than what I expected (I guess sometimes I can be a bit naive). And it makes me realize, perhaps a little late, that maybe the past three years haven’t been wasted after all. That maybe I did actually have a positive impact on their lives the way I had hoped.

So as I’ve been reflecting on this season of life that is about to come to a close, I’ve come to the realization that I am a completely different person than I was when I started. I am thankful for all of the people whose lives have intersected mine over the past few years - you all have had a greater impact on my life than you will probably ever realize. And I am grateful that God loved me too much to let me continue living a safe, boring life surrounded by people who were just like me, that He lead me down a completely different path, and changed my life for the better.

Meeting Ms. Jo[sephine] - Part Two

2011-06-23T00:11:00.000-04:00

Here’s what I learned about Ms. Jo...

Ms. Jo grew up in Scotland. She was part of a big Irish Catholic family. 6 girls. 2 boys. Her father worked in a steel mill. He was serious and worked hard, but he loved his family. Her mom stayed at home and did a little sewing work on the side to make extra money for the family - mostly draperies and things like that. When WWII broke out, both of her brothers went into the service (thankfully they both came home alive) because not all of the boys in the neighborhood came home. There was a family next door, with whom they shared a wall, that had two sons in the war. She said that she’ll never forget the moment the mother found out that one of her sons had been killed. The scream is a sound she will never forget.

One of the things she enjoyed during the war was going to the USO dances for the American servicemen stationed in Scotland (Glasgow). Her uncle owned the hotel that hosted the USO so Ms. Jo and her sisters could get into the dances even though they weren’t supposed to be there. They would always ask her to sing because she had a beautiful voice. She could sing “all the old war tunes”. Even after she moved to this country with her husband and they would attend functions at the VFW, people would still ask her to get up and sing. One of her favorites was a song called It’s Your Mother’s Birthday that Vera Lynn used to perform. (Ms. Jo sang this for me about 4 times during our conversation. She still has a good voice.)

Back in those (WWII) days Ms. Jo liked to knit. She would knit all of her own sweaters. She would put her initials JK on the front left corner of her sweaters - and once she was married she’d put JKS. I guess Lavern De Fazio stole that idea from Ms. Jo.

On April 2nd one year during the war, she was at home and someone came upstairs to tell her that a boy was here to see her. Only being one day after April 1st, she thought they were playing a late April Fool’s Day joke on her. It took several minutes before she was finally persuaded that no one was playing a joke on her. When she went downstairs she saw that it was Eddie [I forgot his last name but Ms. Jo remembers it] from Algiers, Louisiana. He was in the navy and his pea coat all wrapped around him. He didn’t know which house was hers so he had asked around until someone showed him the way. It was bitterly cold outside but instead of inviting him in she sent him away because her dad was home. (This poor guy, whom she had met at a dance, had walked to find her in the bitter cold and she turned him away!) Her father invited him in however and sat him down by the fire. It ended up being a lovely evening. The whole family hung out by the fire, then they played the piano and sang a bunch of songs. In her words, “It was really romantic.”

Her was very much in love with Eddie from Algiers, Louisiana. He was very much in love with her too. They actually got engaged but she didn’t marry him. Ms. Jo couldn’t bring herself to leave her family (she was still very young).

I was never able to get the story of how she and her husband, Charlie, met. I know he was in the service, but I’m not sure if he was American or Scottish. But the way she described their relationship was absolutely beautiful. “He was not a very handsome man. I wasn’t a real beauty either. But we loved each other. The memories are so precious.” I find that description both incredibly beautiful (romantic) and heartbreaking.

Ms. Jo and Charlie were married for 30-some years. At some point during their marriage, they moved to the US. They had two daughters. Ms. Jo didn’t say much about Charlie. The phrase she said over and over again was “The memories are so precious.” Then she would be quiet for a moment and would have the faintest of smiles on her lips and you could tell that she was remembering something from their life together.

We chatted for about an hour and a half. It was one of the most beautiful, touching and enjoyable hours I have ever spent. At times my eyes were full of tears, at others we were both laughing. I learned quite a bit from Ms. Jo during our time together. There was such beauty in learning her story that I won’t detract from it by adding in all the other little anecdotes that took place while she was in the restaurant. For while I was talking with her, the restaurant, my responsibilities, all of it faded into the background. It became about being present and engaged with her in that moment. And when her daughter arrived to take her home, I gave Ms. Jo a hug and made sure I told her how much I enjoyed our time together. It was a bittersweet farewell for me but the memory is precious.

Meeting Ms. Jo[sephine] - Part One

2011-06-20T21:07:00.002-04:00

I had my day all planned out. A bar meeting was planned for 4:00 so I got everything set up and put together before the restaurant even opened because I wanted to be available in the afternoon to interview any walk-in applicants. I even managed to get all of my paperwork completed early.

The day was going exactly as planned until my bartender came to ask me for help with one of her guests. It was an elderly lady who was sitting at one of our high-top tables in the bar. My bartender had served the lady a couple of drinks, but then the lady fell asleep in the chair. She had already dropped her glasses and my bartender was afraid the lady was going to fall out of her chair and hurt herself (not to mention the fact that it’s never a good sign when someone falls asleep at the bar).

I was a bit nervous as I made my way to the bar because it was my first time dealing with this specific situation. I just kind of watched the lady for a moment and chatted with a couple at the bar who was also concerned about her. Apparently she had also been singing to herself a few minutes prior. When I approached the lady, she was still sleeping so I laid my hand gently on her shoulder and roused her. I asked her if she would be more comfortable sitting in a booth than at the high-top table. She looked at me blankly and asked if I thought she would be more comfortable in the booth. I told her yes, so I helped her down from the bar chair and into the booth. As we got her settled in the booth, she asked me how she got there. “You mean, how did you get into the booth?” “Yes.” “I just helped you move from the high-top to this booth so you would be more comfortable.” “Ok. But how did I get here?”

I still wasn’t sure if woman had had too much to drink or what exactly the problem was, but I tried to be helpful. “Ma’am. You walked into our restaurant and sat down at the table over there.” “I did?” “Is there a number that I could call so we can get someone to pick you up?” “Why do you need a number?” “I want you to get some safely. Is there a number for a son or a daughter that could come get you?” At this point the woman begins to cry a bit and I realize that she has no idea what is going on. She hands me her purse and tells me to just look through it to see what I could find. Of course, there was no ID, no cell phone, no contact info of any kind. Just some family pictures and money.

Eventually, the lady was able to tell me that her name was Josephine and she remembered a phone number for a woman named Patricia. Of course, when I called Patricia, there was no answer so I had to leave a message. (On a side note - It is rather awkward to leave a message about a missing person on a stranger’s answering machine.) When I came back I asked her if she had any other numbers she could remember that I could call. She teared up again as she realized she couldn’t remember anything. She asked me if she had had anything to eat or drink and I told her what she had ordered. She began to cry because she knew that drinking was bad for her. Then she found a book of photos with her grandkids. I asked her what their names were, but she cried when she couldn’t remember. All she could tell me was that they were good kids. I kept trying to ask the same question in different ways hoping that somehow I would get information that would actually be helpful. After giving me a list of incomplete phone numbers and a couple of social security numbers, I decided it was time to involve the police. Surely they have more resources than I do.

When an officer finally shows up, it’s the county police but mall security. Not exactly what I had asked for. Instead of getting the information from me on the lady he starts asking her questions, confusing her and frustrating me. She doesn’t understand why he is there and he doesn’t understand that she has some form of dementia. But we do eventually get her address and getting her address helps to jog her memory enough for her to remember another contact number for Patricia (at this time she remembers that Patricia is her daughter). Security gets in touch with Patricia who is at work about 30/45 minutes away and says that she’ll come pick her mom up.

Since the security guard was clearly not very good help (with exception of the fact that he was the one who actually called Patricia at work), I told him I would take care of her at the restaurant until she was able to be picked up. I didn’t realize until later that when he left he took Ms. Jo’s address and Patricia’s phone number with him so I couldn’t follow up with a phone call if I wanted/needed to. As it took her daughter close to an hour and a half to get to the restaurant, the phone number would have been helpful.

At that point, I made a decision. I decided to just sit down with Ms. Jo and talk to her. I had learned all kinds of random pieces of information during the previous hour, but nothing of substance. She was clearly disoriented (she started thinking we called the cops because her daughter didn’t pay her check...) and couldn’t be left alone. So I sat down in the booth across from her and started asking her questions. I quickly discovered that the memories that have yet to be affected are her memories from long ago.

To Be Continued...

My Favorite Photos

2011-05-01T19:58:00.005-04:00

I am not a photographer. I try to take pictures of things I find interesting. Most of the time they turn out okay at best, but every now and then one turns out really well. Here are a couple of my favorites...

Taken at Passion 2010

Downtown Baltimore After the February 2010 Blizzard

Crystal Cove in Cali in April 2010

Taken at Passion 2011 in Atlanta

World War II Memorial in DC March 2011

My Lesson on Remebrance

2011-04-04T16:41:00.001-04:00

Right before my senior year in high school, my family decided it was time to find a new church home. The church I had grown up in was tearing itself apart from the inside, our family was close to falling apart (or at least it felt that way) and we needed a change of scene to rest and heal. The timing was great because we had spent the entire summer at the beach so it would be easy to just not go back to our church. As the school year began, my family started trying out different churches to see if we found one that fit.

I remember my first Sunday at Faith Baptist. My parents and little sister had been once before and liked it. After months of trying other churches they finally persuaded my other sister and I to check it out. (I can’t remember why now, but I remember that I didn’t want to check it out and it took a lot of convincing.) Anyway, on my first Sunday we decided to check out the youth program. We were immediately welcomed and recognized as visitors. They did what they could to make us feel at home. The first person we were introduced to was Tim. I can still remember how warm and friendly he was. Little did I know that Tim would become a lifelong friend and one of the best guys I have ever known. But that’s a different story.

From day one, the Faith Baptist family welcomed us. They befriended us and invited us to be part of their church family. My sisters and I made friends easily became active members of the youth group. (As I think back I find it amusing that our first friends there were all guys - I guess we were just fresh meat.) The church became a place of refuge for us. Our family was hurting. We were burned out. We had been beaten up spiritually and left wounded and bleeding. Faith Baptist took us in and provided the time and the space we needed to heal. LIke any church family, it wasn’t perfect. But it was home. Even when I moved back home after college, they welcomed me right back in like I belonged there all along.

I remember when I made the decision to leave the church. It wasn’t an easy one. It was my family. I helped Tim coach Upward Basketball, I was part of the College & Career sunday school class, I played in the church volleyball league and I had a LOT of friends. But my heart was in Baltimore City. I was a leader for a singles ministry at a church in the city. I wanted to move to the city. It was time to move on. My heart was broken. It was hard to tell everyone and I shed a lot of tears over the decision. While I have never regretted my decision to leave Faith (it was definitely the right move at the right time) I have failed to give credit to the role that church played in my life. I failed to make those years part of my story. They were written off. It wasn’t intentional. Those memories just faded away - until this weekend.

Saturday morning I discovered, through Facebook, that the son of the man who had been my pastor unexpectedly and tragically passed away. I will not pretend that I was closer to the Nichols family than I was. Dr. Nichols and I knew each other and would chat briefly when we ran into each other in the halls, I coached his youngest daughter in basketball and I knew the rest of the family by sight. But although I have never considered us close, my heart broke for them when I learned of Jay’s death. As I scoured Facebook for information about what happened, I came across Dr. Nichols page. On his wall were post upon post of people leaving their condolences, letting the family know their hearts broken for their loss, that they were grieving alongside them. Before I go any further, you need to know that a few years ago, Dr. Nichols decided it was time to move on from Faith Baptist and moved back to Alabama to pastor a new church. He had been Faith’s pastor for more than 10 years. This fact important because as I scrolled through the messages left on his wall, I saw that at least half, if not more, were from the Faith Baptist family (a family which he had ceased pastoring years ago). Seeing those messages moved me in a deep way and brought back to me all the memories of my years there. You see that community of believers love each other well. They always have. I pray that they always will. In seeing their outpour of love and heartbreak for the Nichols, I was reminded of that love. They extended that love to me and my family when we needed it most just as they are doing now for the Nichols. And in their love, I see Jesus. My prayer, for myself, is that I never forget the role Faith Baptist played in my life and that I never again write off that community of believers who demonstrate the love of Jesus so beautifully.

Passion 2011 - Do Something Now

2011-01-06T21:01:00.008-05:00

Justice and Worship

Stop Sex Trafficking

We are part of the movement to stop sex trafficking

Homes for Haiti

All the causes were more than funded! The 22,000+ students gave over $1.1 million toward the DSN causes. It was a beautiful act of worship.

Passion 2011

2011-01-06T20:34:00.004-05:00

Justice and Worship

We carried these 40lb jerry cans 1/8 mile. Children in 3rd world nations carry these cans 2-8 miles each day just get water - water that is contaminated and carries disease.

Together we are a force for good

Volunteers worshipping. Every seat in the arena was sold so Passion set up a room for the volunteers to watch the live stream. It was a unique and powerful experience.

Run-In With a Belligerent Homeless Man

2010-12-02T02:14:00.001-05:00

*Just a warning, for those of you who may be offended, that there is foul language in this post.

Tonight I had another run-in with a homeless person. You’ll understand why I use the word “run-in” in a moment. About 15 minutes before the restaurant closed a homeless man walked in the front door. He looked cold and like he was looking for warmth as he just stood there in the lobby rubbing his hands together. I asked him if he would like some soup to help warm him up. He said yes so I told him I would be back in a moment and he should wait for me where he was. I got him a bowl of soup, a spoon and some water. He sat down on the bench in lobby and began to eat thanking me and God Bless-ing me. Honestly, I wouldn’t normally let a homeless person just sit in our lobby. However because it was around closing, cold outside, and there weren’t many guests in the building I let him sit and eat. I kept an eye on him while I began working on closing the restaurant. I even checked back to see if he wanted more water or soup.

A little while after I locked the front door and was waiting on the remaining guests to leave, I noticed he had fallen asleep on the bench and decided that it was time for him leave. I approached him and tried to wake him up by saying “Sir!” a couple of times fairly loudly. When that didn’t work, I tentatively shook his shoulder until he roused. Then I told him that we were closed and it was time for him to leave. He said okay but immediately fell back asleep. I kind of looked around to see where my staff was just in case something happened because, at that point, I started to get a little bit nervous. I shook his shoulder again and this time he wasn’t very happy to be woken up. I repeated myself again and his response turned violent quickly. He started yelling at me calling me a fucking bitch and telling me to leave him alone and he’ll leave in a moment. I took a few steps back at that point, reminded him that I fed him and gave him a warm place to sit for a little while but asked him, again, to leave. At that he started flailing his arms (I really thought he was going to try to hit me - thankfully I think he was just intoxicated enough to not have the energy) telling me he needed some sleep, that I was a fucking bitch and a whore to have woken him up, that he was just minding his own business. I managed to remain calm and I reminded him he was in my restaurant and he needed to leave. While my posture never waivered and I never raised my voice, the sternness of my tone did increase significantly.

During this exchange, I noticed that my bartender was at the end of the bar closest to me ready to help out if needed. I also sensed, rather than saw, that the male servers who were still there (there were 3 of them) were coming up closer to me also ready to step in, but I was still there a few feet in front of him. Then the man put his hand inside of his zipper. Whether he unzipped it while in the restaurant or came in with it down, I have no idea. Still trying to be calm and even with him, I told him that he could not speak to me that way and that he needed to get his stuff and go. The profanities continued to fly and get increasingly louder. He was continuing to play with himself (inside of his pants) and my response was to tell him to get his hand out of his pants, stop yelling and cursing and he needed to leave and I was calling the cops. That, as I’m sure you can imagine, did not go over any better than anything else to that point. He told me he would put his hands wherever he wanted, I could go ahead and call the cops.

I’m relating this as if he is speaking intelligibly, however he was not. Every other breath he was continuing to call me a fucking bitch and whore. Also by this point, my three servers were up at the host stand where I was to make their presence known. I calmly walked over to the phone and called mall security figuring they could respond much quicker than the cops. With the way it was escalating, I figured I needed someone as quickly as possible. To their credit the security guard who answered the phone said they were on their way before I could even finish my sentence. During that time the man continued his verbal assault on me. One of my guys finally had enough, spoke up and asked the man to watch his language and keep his voice down. He and the two other guys stepped up so they were all closer to the man than I was.

Knowing that security was on the way and seeing the guys were right there next to me to protect me, my resolve began to melt. I have been cursed at but never like that. I have never been called a whore. And I have never had a strange man fondle himself in front of me. I began to tear up. The absolute last thing that I wanted was for him to see me cry so I walked away not wanting to leave my staff in that situation, not wanting crumble before it was over, but knowing that I could no longer hold myself together. I sat down in a booth where he couldn’t see, put my face in my hands and I cried. I could tell by the sounds in the lobby when the man left - it was only a moment later. Mere seconds after the man left security showed up, ensured we were okay and escorted the man across the street away from the restaurant. This whole exchange was probably no more than 5 minutes long and it probably only took one or two minutes from the time I called for security to show up.

I pulled myself together long enough to make sure he was gone and I went to a closet in the back and cried some more. I was completely shaken. I don’t scare easily, but that man scared me. I was also heartbroken. I did the right thing by that man by feeding him and giving him a warm place to rest for a little while. But his response was so violent and such a drastic change from him thanking and blessing me that I didn’t know how to deal with it emotionally. It really did leave me shaken and I’m tearing up again writing this. I don’t understand my emotional response, but I know that my tears were (and still are) appropriate. Jesus loves that man and has asked me to do the same. I tried to show him love and compassion and to treat him fairly but he didn’t accept it. I’m not sure what lesson there is to learn in this situation, but whatever the lesson, it was a hard one to learn.

Before I end, I just want to say how much I appreciated my staff and the way they supported me and had my back tonight. The guys would have stepped in in a heartbeat if I had asked them to or if the situation had turned violent. They affirmed that I handled myself well and appropriately (they actually thought I was being too nice) and they were behind me 100%. They even got me laughing again before they left for the night. For that, and more, I am truly grateful.

New Understanding of Love

2010-11-08T18:52:00.002-05:00

I’ve tried several times over the past month to write this blog but each time I’ve tried, the words have failed to come. Several times I couldn’t even write the first sentence because it just felt wrong or it sounded corny. Those times that I’ve gotten through the first sentence, it’s fallen apart shortly thereafter. I feel like I’m putting on an act and that I’m not being authentic. Even this attempt has been stopped and restarted and erased and changed an unbelievable amount of times. Why haven’t I been able to put all of my thoughts and feelings into words and sentences? Why have my words failed me?

The truth is, I don’t really have words to express what God has done in my life in teaching me to love people the way He does. The journey into the heart of God that I’ve been on these last several months has been overwhelming and, at times, heartbreaking and, at others, encouraging.

I will tell you up front that I don’t have loving people like Jesus down. I screw up constantly and find that I focus on myself way too much and others not enough. But I will also tell you that God has shown me unmerited favor in allowing me an intimate glimpse into His heart for people and His love for us.

I used to think that loving people like Jesus meant that I just needed to be nice to people (especially those I didn’t quite like or those really different from me), not judge people, and maybe even do something for them. Sacrificial love, to me, meant that maybe I had to give some money away or spend time with people I didn’t want to or something equally superficial. I don’t know where or why I came to believe like that, I just did. And all the while, I thought I understood unconditional, Jesus kind of love.

The moment when I realized that God had truly answered my prayer to increase my capacity love the people in my everyday life (and to love them the way He does) was one of the most heartbreaking moments I’ve experienced to date. It occurred when a close friend was telling me about something difficult they were dealing with and was explaining to me the decision they had made and why they had made it. As they were telling me about all of this, my heart broke. My heart broke that they were in such a difficult situation and that they were in the position where they had to make this decision. And my heart broke over the decision that was made. The worst moment for me came when this person stopped speaking for a moment, looked at me and said they wanted to know what I was thinking (I had been totally silent to that point) because they felt that I was angry with them or disagreed with them. It was the worst moment for me because I had to tell them that I did disagree with the decision that they had made. But also told them that I wasn’t angry with them, but I was heartbroken for them. We continued to talk and eventually ended the conversation with hugs and each of us telling the other person we loved them.

This conversation left me so heartbroken I cried the whole way home and most of the evening until I went to bed. For a couple of days, I couldn’t think or talk about it without tearing up. But it was through this that I realized God had helped me to love my friend the way He loves my friend. My friend was hurting and I hurt for them. I may not have agreed with the decision my friend had made (indeed, I desperately wanted them to change their mind) but I found that I loved them even more for being so real and authentic. My initial fear was that because I didn’t agree with them that it would result in tension between us when all I really wanted was for my friend to know that I love them and would be there for them if and when they needed me and that I would continue to pray for them in this situation. What I found was that having shared such an intimate moment we actually became closer friends in the process. And I understood, in that moment, the heart of God towards us. He loves us so much that He hurts for us. He longs for us to change our minds regarding some of the decisions we’ve made. When we ask Him about what He thinks, He will tell us the truth even if it hurts. When we are real with Him and tell Him what is really going on, His hearts swells in love for us even if it’s breaking. He will always be there to stand beside us, to guide us, to help us, to intercede for us. His love is constant and relentless.

It may have been a hard and heartbreaking moment, but it was totally worth it. Worth it because, whether they realize it or not, my friend has seen the love of the Father. Worth it because, if for only a moment, I was able to show the love of the Father to a friend. Worth it because the moment changed forever my understanding of what it means to love like Jesus and I was given an intimate look into the heart of my Savior. My understanding of LOVE will never be the same and for that I am unbelievably grateful.

Do You Want to be Safe or Do You Want to be Brave?

2010-09-30T17:59:00.004-04:00

I know I haven't posted much on here the last couple of months and I think that mostly has to do with the fact that I'm not sure what to say. So much has happened and I'm just not sure how to process it all. Through each of the different circumstances I have learned a lot - about myself, about leadership, about God. I just don't know how to put into words what my heart and my brain are processing. Maybe later I'll have good things to say, but I don't just yet.

Instead of telling you an anecdote about my life and what I'm learning or wrestling with, I'll share with you some cool stuff I heard recently. Gary Haugen, president of International Justice Mission, spoke at National Community Church in DC a few weeks back. He is one of the people that I admire and respect most. I heard him speak for the first time about 4 or 5 years ago at a leadership conference in Atlanta, GA. His speech was my introduction to social justice. I was unbelievably moved by what he said and his words opened up my eyes to a whole new world and a whole new passion. I could go on and on, but I'll just leave it there. It was awesome to have the opportunity to see him speak again - plus I had really been wanting to check out NCC's coffeehouse location (which is everything I hoped/dreamed it would be).

Anyway, Gary was the featured speaker for the final week of the church's Fearless series. His whole talk centered around the question "What do we do when the will of God is scary?" His premise being that God's will in a fallen world is inherently dangerous. Two things that are always the will of God and always dangerous are speaking the truth and loving needy people. Then he asked us - Do we want to be safe or do we want to be brave? We cannot be both. Our God is One who loves us so much that makes us face this question. It is a question that must be asked and one that must be answered.

Back to the will of God - Gary told us that doing the will of God often 1) not only is not safe, it doesn't seem smart, 2) will be so threatening to others that they will malign you, 3) doesn't match our image of success, but 4) it matches our Savior's definition of significance. Again, do you want to be safe or do you want to be brave? You cannot be both. He outlined things that hold us back from deciding to be brave (comfort, security, control, success) and the rewards we gain for stepping out in faith (adventure, faith, miracles, deep knowledge of Jesus).

For my part, his whole talk struck a chord deep in my soul. I long to be brave, to make the decision to follow wholeheartedly after Jesus. Most of my life has been spent (wasted?) being safe. In living a safe life, I become discontent and restless. I wonder if there is something I'm missing, if this is all there is to life. But when I'm running hard after Jesus, making the tough decision to step out, have faith and be brave, I find purpose and meaning and adventure. It is not easy, if it was it wouldn't require bravery or faith, but it is an adventure. Some days the adventure is exhilarating and exciting, other days I wonder how much longer I can hang on, but there is a fulfillment in doing the inherently dangerous will of God that doesn't exist in the safe life. I do long to be brave, to make one brave decision after another, but I find myself struggling against the very things Gary mentioned - comfort, security, control, success. Gary's message was speaking the conflict, the hopes, the desires of my soul. I walked away undeniably challenged and beautifully inspired.

At the end of his talk, Gary mentioned 5 things that can help us be a little more brave - 1) do less and reflect more, 2) search the promises of scripture and take a risk, 3) embark on a journey of spiritual renovation, 4) train to be brave, 5) enter into the journey of justice which will rescue us from lives of small fear. Lately I have been doing number one. I've been taking time to reflect and process and think. It has been enlightening (again, hopefully I'll be able to put it all into words soon) and beneficial. I think now it's time to move on and try another challenge. Which one will you choose?

Love

2010-08-29T21:29:00.002-04:00

The other day I decided to read the book of Philippians. Sometimes I just enjoy reading some of Paul's shorter letters straight through. Anyway, when I got to verse 1:9 I just stopped and reread it multiple times (several of those times out loud) before moving on. I was so captured by it that I find it keeps rolling around in my head. It says, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight..." The verse continues but that is the part that has jumped off the page and into my heart and my head.

I feel like the farther I walk on this journey, the more I learn about love. Love is so much deeper and so much more than I ever realized. It is such a beautiful and complex thing. The more I learn about it, the more I realize that I, in my own power, do not have the capacity to love. It stems only from God and since I read that verse I've been wondering how love can abound in knowledge and insight. This week God has given me a glimpse of what it means.

I love the people at work and there are a couple specific individuals who, from time to time, God places on my heart to intercede for. Last week as I was trying to fall asleep one specific person was on my mind. I just couldn't shake it or stop thinking about them. So at long last, sometimes I'm a little dense, I decided to get on my knees and start praying. As I prayed I felt the Holy Spirit giving me very specific things to pray over this person - things that I would not have normally prayed about for them. At times I would be silent and then God would give me a new, specific thing to pray. The time seemed to pass quickly and before I knew it an hour had passed. (If you had asked me I thought I could pray for someone for an entire hour, I would have told you probably not - but it did happen!)

This week I spoke with that person about one of the things that I had specifically been praying for them. I could tell that what I was saying was hitting the heart of the issue, the very core of it. I love this person dearly and want the best of all things for them. And I would do just about anything for them. I realized this week that your love can abound in knowledge and depth of insight because God Himself is Love. As I tuned into what He was saying to me this week, Love gave me knowledge and insight about this person at work that I never would have normally had. As I came close to the Father, heard His heart and took on (in part) His Love for that person, my love abounded in knowledge and depth of insight.

Tonight I am praising God for the power of His words. Tonight I am so grateful that Love, Himself, would impart His knowledge to me so I could/can better love this person. I am amazed and humbled and utterly grateful. Thank you, Jesus, for lessons on Love and the beautiful moments that arise out of It.

Surprise, Surprise

2010-08-25T22:16:00.000-04:00

This week I was surprised to discover that I actually love what I do. I mean it. I was REALLY surprised to make this discovery. This job that wears me out, leaves me with little to no social life, that's full of unnecessary drama and is unbelievably stressful is actually a job that I love.

I already knew that I love my staff. There is never a dull moment with them. They are mostly college students and full of the energy and zest for life that only college kids have. We laugh a lot and have a great time while working hard. They are thoughtful and sweet, sensitive to our tough days and eager to please. Anything we ask of them, they do it and usually without complaint. And after having spent time in another location working with a different staff who do not care about or take pride in their jobs, I love (and appreciate) them even more.

I also already knew that I love my fellow managers and chefs. We all work hard to develop our staff, maintain high standards and keep the restaurant running smoothly. We each have different strengths and weaknesses which make us a well-balanced team. We work hard to communicate with each other and stay on the same page. While we don’t always see eye-to-eye, we all respect each other and are able to come to an understanding. These are the guys who keep me sane and remind me, in my moments when I become overwhelmed, that all this is just rice and noodles.

While I knew that I loved my staff and management team, I never thought that I loved what I do. I kind of fell into this job. I went into management for the people, not for love of the industry or the job. After almost two years, I’ve grown a lot as a manager. I’ve developed a lot of leadership and management skills. I’ve learned how to manage people differently, how to stand my ground, how to give clear and direct feedback, how to make unhappy guests happy, and a plethora of other skills. I knew I’ve been getting better at what I do, but I still didn’t think that I loved it. Somehow, over the course of the last couple of days, I’ve come to realize that I do love this job. I know that it is mostly due to the people around that I love it, but I also love the fast pace, the unpredictable nature, the constant need to adapt and make snap decisions, the crazy hours (yes, I love the crazy hours). I honestly believe that it is God Himself who has given me the ability to love the job and to love the people. It is God who gives me the strength, wisdom and ability to do my job well. I think maybe that it has been the process of surrendering to the call of the Holy Spirit on my life that has enabled me to love what I do.

*One clarification I will make - just because I love it doesn’t mean that I always like it. Much like a marriage, I have days when I want to call it quits and days that I feel like I’m living the dream. I have to work at it every day but I love it.

My Big, Fat, Never-Ending Homeless Question

2010-07-30T23:58:00.000-04:00

Homeless people cause me quite a bit of mental and emotional turmoil. I have this big, fat, never-ending question surrounding them that I cannot solve. It doesn’t matter how much I think about it or how often I help them or just pass them by on the street. I cannot come up with an answer that sits well with my soul.

The question is: What do I do with them? (Meaning what is the “right” response to homeless people?)

Here are a few instances in which I have responded in different ways and each one affected me differently:

A couple of years ago I was on a break at work and was sitting on a bench in the Harbor reading a book. A homeless man sits on the bench next to me and starts chatting. Deciding I need to try to be a bit more like Jesus, I actually try to have a conversation with him instead of blowing him off. But then, he starts trying to put his hand on my back and as I pack up to leave (because at this point I’m a bit freaked out), he asks for a hug. When I tell him that I will give him a handshake, but that’s it, he tries to feel my chest. I run off, back to work feeling a bit violated and seriously freaked out. I tried to be nice to the homeless man and treat him like a normal person and my reward is that he tries to feel me up. Great. (Since then, I’m wary if I sit down on a bench in the Harbor.)

Back in the early spring, I was on my way to work one day and I saw a homeless man with a sign at the traffic light. I packed my lunch that day and spent the entire time I was sitting at the red light arguing with myself over whether I should give him my lunch. After I passed him without giving him my lunch I felt regret, so I circled back around and when I didn’t find him, I gave it to a different homeless man who seemed thankful. I felt good that he seemed to accept the gift, but still guilty that I didn’t give it to the original man.

A couple of weeks later I was driving back from my parents house around 11:00pm and got stopped at a light a couple of blocks from downtown. Usually there are no homeless people on the street begging at 11:00pm, but this night there was. I had food in the car with me - wonderfully delicious left-over Cream of Crab soup. As I looked at the man, he looked cold and hungry and without thinking I rolled down the window and gave him my food. He was extremely grateful and even made eye contact with me to thank me for the food. I should have felt good about that, but as I drove away, I was pissed off. I was angry that I gave him such an amazingly delicious meal that I was looking forward to eating for lunch the following day. I felt like it was unfair that he got to eat the good food. Then I began an argument with myself over the fact that maybe he deserved to get the best food I could offer (like a guest in my home would get) and maybe I was just being selfish.

This week, a homeless man came into my restaurant asking for food. I told him, thinking I was going to be like Jesus and be generous to this man, that I would give him a cup of soup. His response was to ask me if he could get something different. Really? Really? He is homeless, starving, begging for food and he wants to get picky when I’ve offered him food? That made me mad. Things did not get any better. He decided he wanted Egg Rolls and when I told him that I would give him a cup of soup, he pulled out a huge handful of coins and asked me how much the Egg Rolls would cost. I counted out $5 of change and told him that it would cover the cost of the Egg Rolls. At this point he gets an attitude with me over the fact that I had not counted the rest of his change. My response was not a happy one. He seriously ticked me off and I told him (with my finger wagging) that he could not talk to me like that and if he wanted me to do something for him, he could speak to me respectfully and ask me to do it, at which point I would help him out. After we determined that he did not have enough money for two orders of Egg Rolls, I took his $5 (oh yes, I took his money) and told him I would order his Egg Rolls, I would give him the cup of soup I said that I would and that I would give him a cup of water as well. Next thing I know, he’s walking around the restaurant asking the other guests for money, so I get on him about that as well and tell him he can wait up front for his food. About 10-15 minutes after I gave him his food, he comes back in demanding salt and pepper. Again, really? Who does he think he is? Why does he feel so entitled? I give him salt and pepper and he leaves. Another half hour later, I find him passed on the sidewalk between a planter and the windows of our restaurant. I called Mall Security and had them escort him elsewhere, then I went outside to clean up the trash he left from his meal. I tried so hard to be nice to him and ended up scolding him and having him removed from the premises. (As if I wasn’t already questioning myself as to whether or not I was wrong in my response to him, one of my fellow managers told me that if he had been upfront, he would not have taken the man’s $5 but would have told him to take the money and go across the street to the grocery store and buy food there because he would get more for the money. Great. Now I felt really good about my actions.)

Yesterday, I was almost home and got stopped at a light. There was a younger looking girl (maybe 20) who, minus the tattered, worn clothing and the obvious signs of having not had a shower, looked kind of pretty. There was also a guy with her, maybe 25, who looked very sketchy and like an addict. Their sign said that they were traveling and had run out of food and money. Anything anyone could give would be appreciated. The girl was walking with the sign between the cars, making eye contact with anyone she could. She looked sad and resigned. I almost decided to give her money (something I never do - I’ll give or buy food, but I don’t give money) but then thought about the guy with her and decided that he would probably use it for drugs. The light changed and I drove away, money still in my wallet, thinking about how she actually looked like a sweet girl and wondering what happened in her life to lead her to this point.

There are a TON of other stories I could tell about encounters, or avoidances I’ve had with homeless people over the last few years of living in the city. Each one is different, but each one leaves me feeling unsettled. What do I do with them? What is the “right” response? I’m still not sure.

"Old" Friendships

2010-06-28T17:25:00.002-04:00

I love "old" friendships. Friendships that have a history and have proven themselves to be stronger than time and distance. There is something comforting and encouraging and inspiring about them.

Most of the time I live feeling isolated (I’m not sure that “isolated” is the best word but I haven’t been able to come up with a better one). While I spend the vast majority of my time at the restaurant and there are several people there I consider to be friends, they don’t really know me. They know things about me, but they don’t really know me. For example, they know I’m a Christian but they don’t understand that loving Jesus is the very core of who I am and that everything I do is a result of that. Plus, the people at the restaurant really only know me within the context of the restaurant. They don’t see the much bigger picture of who I am - nor do I see the bigger picture of who they are and what they are about.

When I am not at the restaurant, I spend 95% of my time alone. Don’t get me wrong - I like being alone. I find that when I have time to myself I feel recharged and reenergized. The 5% of my non-restaurant time that I spend with other people is spent with either my parents, whom I love spending time with and connecting with, or my church family, whom I’m still building relationships with and whom I only see once a week for a couple of hours at the most.

Like I said, I feel isolated most of the time. And, for me, isolation results in constantly feeling misunderstood and that no one “gets me”. It is the tension that I live with.

This past week, I hung out with my friend Annie whom I used to spend nearly all of my free time with until our lives took us different directions. It was so good to talk with her and hear about some of the things going on in her world and in her heart. (While I don’t love the fact that we are both single, I love the fact that we think similarly about singleness, marriage, relationships and Jesus.) I love that we could just hang out at her place eating pizza and watching a movie and that it was as if we had just seen each other last week not last fall. Our time together was fulfilling for me and I felt lifted up just by spending those couple of hours in her presence.

Then last night I received an email from my friend Melissa whom I’ve been friends with since college. She was emailing me and our friend Julia to share some exciting news about her family. Melissa emailed us because she wanted us to find out their news from her personally (and not from Facebook). Even though I haven’t spoken with her in over a year, I was able to rejoice with her. Just the fact that she emailed made my heart overflow. There’s just something special about connecting - even through email - with a friend that you’ve known for more than a decade.

In a couple of weeks I will be heading to the beach for a much needed vacation. While I am there I will hook up with Julia and her husband Trevor whom I’ve also known and been good friends with for over a decade. I knew them before they started dating, was with them through their dating years, was a bridesmaid in their wedding and have seen them grow together as a couple and as a family. There’s just something to be said for these types of relationships.

By just connecting with these women I feel more like myself. I feel that maybe I’m not some misunderstood island of a person, but a normal, everyday person who does have the ability to connect with people on a personal and intimate level.

I am reminded that live is meant to be lived in community and that a balance is needed. I need to have some time to myself, I need to continue to spend time building relationships with people at the restaurant, but I also need to spend time with friends that I connect with on a much deeper level.

Ladies, thank you so much for your friendship. Each of you encourage, inspire and challenge me. My life is so much better for having known you.

Father's Day

2010-06-21T15:27:00.003-04:00

Surprise, surprise, I had to work on Father’s Day. Who would have guessed? Since I couldn't be with my dad, I decided that I would do for him what I did for my mom and share with everyone some of the things that I love about my dad.

1. He thinks before he speaks, especially when involved in a serious conversation. I love that when I’m talking with my dad about serious matters he will pause for a few moments before responding to me. He will take those few moments to consider what I’ve said and take his time formulating a response. This used to drive me crazy, but it has become one of the traits I most admire. This enables him to give a more thought out, complete and wise response than if he had just said the first thing that came into his head.

2. My dad is one of the wisest people I know. I think a lot of this has to do with what I listed above. I don’t ask for advice very often, but when I do I go to my dad first. Some of his wisdom comes from his life experience but I believe most of it comes from the Holy Spirit. He has such great insight into things which enables him to see a more complete picture of what is going on.

3. Like my mom, he is a great parent of adult children. He has allowed us to grow into our own people, he doesn’t put pressure on us to conform to what he wants for us. He allows us to make mistakes and he celebrates our successes. Perhaps what I love most is that he won’t insert himself in a situation unless he’s invited.

4. He is a great dad to me as a single person. He remains conscious of the fact that I do not have a husband to encourage me, support me, pray over me, etc., so he steps into that role for me. It does wonders for my heart when I am going through something difficult and he will come and pray over me. He also does smaller things like wash my car because he loves me and knows there is no one else who will do those things for me. It makes me feel valued and loved.

5. My dad is sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. He has shown himself, on many occasions, to be willing to say/do things that are unpopular or unusual simply because he feels the Holy Spirit guiding him. This has resulted in people trying to put him back in a safe, little box but he won’t let them do it. Instead, he continues to put himself out there, on the fringe and live according to the Holy Spirit.

6. I love the way he loves my niece and nephew. I know sometimes they drive him crazy and he just wants peace, quiet and space, but he doesn’t shove them to the side. He plays with them, encourages them and, in many ways, fathers their hearts. It is so much fun to watch him interact with them, to see his love for them, and their love for him in return.

There are other things that I could list about my dad and why I love him but these rise to the top for me. I am so thankful for the amazing parents God gave me. I am so blessed to have them. Happy Father’s Day Dad. I love you.

Peripheral Thoughts

2010-06-17T02:10:00.003-04:00

It's been a little too long since my last blog. Life has been really crazy lately - and by "life" I mean the restaurant as that is where the majority of my life is spent. Right now I don't know how to put into words and sentences what is happening and what I am learning. I am too overwhelmed for all of that. But here are some peripheral thoughts about all that.

I am the only lover of Jesus who works at our restaurant. One. Out of hundred.

The enemy has a unique stronghold in the restaurant industry. I don't understand why it is so different from other industries, but it is. The influence of the enemy is everywhere.

My role - to relentlessly love the people I work with and to intercede on their behalf. Remember - one out of one hundred.

My greatest joy right now would be to see salvation come to the restaurant. That would be, perhaps, the best day of my life.

I am more certain today than ever that Jesus is exactly who He say He is and that He is more than able to intervene.

I am more certain today that our God is a God of Power and of Might. That He is my Strength and Salvation.

If the enemy was seeking to tear apart my faith, he failed. It is only stronger.

The True Sign of Courage and Strength

2010-05-22T13:36:00.000-04:00

One of my servers is going through some crazy hard life stuff right now. Out of respect for her, I will not share the details, but suffice it to say that as she was sharing part of it with me last week I was in tears and heartbroken for her and wondering how much more a person can take before they break. What you all need to know is this server is one of the sweetest and most pleasant people at the restaurant. She’s adorable, fun, a hard worker and she does her best every shift. She doesn’t let her junk get in the way of doing a good job and the vast majority of the time, you wouldn’t even know that anything is going on outside of the restaurant.

Here’s my problem with this - she’s definitely not okay. Last night a song playing on the radio brought her to tears. When I asked if she was alright, she said she was fine that there’s a lot going on and this song reminded her of it. When I made mention of the fact that she had shared a little bit of it with me (mostly an encouragement to her that I was ready and willing to listen if she wanted to share), she shook her head and said that what she told me was nothing compared to what is really going on. Again, my heart broke. I honestly can’t imagine what more could possibly be happening to her.

This is the question that I keep asking myself - since when did it become a sign of strength to keep your problems to yourself and not let anyone know what’s going on? Why is it considered strength to show the world that you are okay when, in reality, life is crashing down around you? I believe that it is a lie the Enemy has fed us that we have swallowed hook, line and sinker. The belief that we are in this alone, we need to find our own way out of it and that no one cares what’s really going on with us or if they do care, than what we are going through will be too much for them to handle so it’s better just to keep it to ourselves. The belief that we are weak if we admit that we have problems and that we can’t do it alone. This is a lie! A lie spoken to us by the Enemy which is designed to keep us defeated and broken.

Life was meant to be lived in community, not isolation. Jesus came to take our burdens, to make us whole and He gave us people to come alongside us and walk with us and be a source of healing and strength. In my own life I’ve seen what keeping silent does to me versus opening up and sharing. The times I’ve kept silent have been absolutely miserable and the things I was dealing with seemed to only get heavier and heavier. But when I have made the decision to open up and share with another person, or couple of people, the load became lighter to bear. I could see things more clearly, there was a greater sense of wholeness and strength that was given to me by the people with whom I had shared.

I have come to the conclusion that it is a far greater sign of strength to share with another the realities of life, to be real and authentic about what is going on than it is to keep everything to yourself. I believe this because when you make the choice to open up to another, you run the risk of rejection and hurt. There is always the possibility that the other person will not care about what is happening with you (they have their own problems after all) or that they will betray your confidence or a myriad of other negative possibilities. But it is also entirely possible that the person you choose to open up to will be heartbroken with you, that they will love you even more for sharing and they will walk alongside you and be a source of encouragement and strength. It takes courage to open up and share and risk possible rejection - and courage requires great strength. I wholeheartedly believe that it is worth the risk.

Back to my server - I am praying for her as fervently as I know how. I realize that the Enemy is out to destroy her by destroying her heart and I am contending for that right now. I have been praying for her like I have never prayed before. One of the things I am praying is that God will give her the strength and the courage to open up, share her baggage, and let someone in. I am also praying that God will lead her to a person who will respond to her in love and will share her burdens so that she will not be crushed under their weight, not someone who will aid the Enemy in destroying her. I honestly do not care if that person is me or someone else, but I am ready and willing if it is. I pray that she will find the strength and the courage to take the risk.

My Newest Leadership Challenge

2010-05-17T17:52:00.000-04:00

Last week I was looking up different verses that had to do with light and darkness and I came across 2 Samuel 23:2-4. I’ve read 2 Samuel a bunch of times because I’m fascinated by the life of David and I learn a lot from studying his life. But I can honestly tell you that I’ve never really read those verses. They’ve always sunk into the background of the larger story so when I read them last week I was taken aback. These verses have become a challenge and a measuring line as to how a great leader leads. They have also become an incredible promise and inspiration as to what can happen as a result of great leadership.

“The Spirit of the Lord spoke through me; his word was on my tongue. The God of Israel spoke, the Rock of Israel said to me: ‘When one rules over men in righteousness, when he rules in the fear of God, he is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings the grass from the earth.’”

First I saw the challenge - to rule in righteousness and in the fear of God. To me it means that a leader is a servant to the people they are leading. They lead from a place of humility and seeking the good of their people, not their own advancement. A great leader is not seeking their own agenda, but asking God what would be best for others. That’s not to say that leaders should be seeking to please those who follow them, but rather making the tough choice to do what is best, what is right, what is necessary to bring life and momentum to the environment they are in and the people who are with them.

After the challenge comes the promise. The imagery God uses here makes my pulse quicken. The picture that great leadership will result in a bright freshness like the dawn. Great leaders spread light and clarity over the people they lead. Dawn is the start of a new day with new possibilities and a fresh slate. It is a day that hasn’t happened before, it is a fresh canvas on which to create. Great leadership will create the space for this to happen - like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning. The day will be bright and crisp and fresh. Great leadership will also create an ideal environment for growth. After the rains have come and wet the earth, the sun comes out and provides the warmth and encouragement for the grass to grow. Great leadership will create a space in which people can rise up and come into their own. It will create an environment for them to grow and mature and become more of the person they were created to be.

I want to be the kind of leader, the kind of manager, that creates an environment ideal for the development, growth and maturity of the people under me. I want to bring a freshness and a clarity to the spheres in which I lead. And I want to lead from a place of humility and service to others and not from a place of wanting to impose my desires and my agenda on them. This is my new challenge - and it’s a tough one, but I believe it will be worth the struggle.

Pics from April (The Greatest Month Ever) - Part 2

2010-05-09T13:53:00.004-04:00

And a couple of pics from my trip to Cali...

Pics from April (The Greatest Month Ever) - Part 1

2010-05-09T13:26:00.006-04:00

Here are some pics from the Hillsong United concert and Phantom of the Opera last month:

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T13:22:00.003-04:00

In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I’d share with you some of the things that I love about my Mom, in no particular order.

1. First of all, she is one of my best friends. I talk to her about everything and I love to hang out with her. I always enjoy her company and come away from time with her feeling full (if that makes sense).

2. She is one of the most intentional people I know in the way she lives her life. She joined a painting chapter several years ago and recognized immediately that that was the ministry God was giving her. She has developed amazing relationships with the women at the chapter and has earned so much favor and respect from them. For the past two years she has served as the President of their chapter and it’s been amazing to watch her lead. The women listen to her, follow her, respect her, will anything for her. Amazing. And uses her influence to speak into their lives and share the love of Jesus with them (through her actions as much as her words). And this is just one part of her life - she is intentional about so many other things as well.

3. My mom is a great mom of adult children. Unlike a lot of other mom’s, mine has been great about letting go. She raised each of us to be independent and has actually let us go as we’ve grown up. Because she did this, it enabled us to make the transition from an adult/child relationship to a friendship. She doesn’t tell us that we should do this or not do that, but she will help us think through decisions and give us advice, if we ask. I’m sure this is hard for her, but she makes it look easy.

4. She has the strongest faith of anyone I know. Growing up, I knew I could find her in the arm chair in the living room every morning drinking tea and reading her Bible. This habit has not changed. Her wisdom and knowledge is incredible, her insights amazing. She see things simply and by that I mean that she believes that God is who He says He is and will do what He said He will do. She believes that with all of her being and isn’t given to doubt which gives her a clarity about things that’s astounding. I would love to have a faith like hers.

5. My mom is fun and she enjoys simple things like flip-flops with light-up straps. I love that she finds joy and amusement in little things - I think I get that from her. We always have fun and always laugh. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with someone like that?

6. She is thoughtful and generous. Just last week, she bought me a new set of sheets for my bed. She knew I was looking for some so when she happened across some, she bought them and wouldn’t let me pay her back. It’s not always something big, but it’s always thoughtful and she does it for each of us kids.

There are many more things that make my mom great, but these are the ones that come to the top. Happy Mother's Day Mom - I love you!

Abundantly Clear

2010-05-04T17:39:00.000-04:00

A couple months ago, a very wise friend said to me, “God will make abundantly clear what needs to be made abundantly clear.” Today I am so thankful that that is true. Last year my great aunt passed away. Honestly, this was not a loss to me because I only remember meeting her twice during my entire life. On the other hand, I am very fond of my Uncle Walt, her husband and my grandfather’s brother, as he is very kind and caring. Knowing that I love living in the city, he told me that if I was interested in buying Aunt Eileen’s house from him - they lived in separate homes, but that’s a whole other story - he would be willing to sell it to me fairly cheaply. Originally I just wasn’t interested because I wasn’t in a place to even consider having that kind of extra responsibility. Over this past year as he worked on cleaning out the house - she was a hoarder in the literal sense of the term - my mindset began to change. I got to a place where, depending on the price, I could actually afford to buy a house, it was in the neighborhood where I used to live and I’m kind of getting tired of living in a very squishy studio apartment. I began to consider what it would be like to own my own home, imagining what it would be like to decorate and fix up a house the way I wanted it. As I opened up to the possibility of buying this house from Uncle Walt, I began to pray that God would give me wisdom and guidance as to whether or not I should buy the house.

Two weeks ago while I was walking to the Post Office I suddenly knew the answer was “No”. It was strange, I just knew in my spirit that God was telling me I should not buy the house. I can’t remember exactly what my response was, but I might have actually answered God out loud because His voice has been so clear to me. I was thankful that He spoke to me and gave me the answer I needed. It was settled in my mind and in my heart. I was instantly at peace. A couple of days before this happened, Uncle Walt had called my parents to let them know that he was finished cleaning out the house and was ready for me to come see it. Despite the fact that I knew the answer was no, I still wanted to go see the house. Part of my reasoning is purely curiosity as to what the house looks like inside, but partly because I wanted to honor my Uncle Walt and his kindness in considering me first to buy it. Today my parents and I went to see it. I knew the house was in bad shape, but I was totally unprepared for what how bad it really was. The walls were literally falling apart, the floors were sagging in parts, the back porch was so rotted that my mom actually fell through part of it. It was so dirty that I didn’t want to even touch anything. Bottom line - it needed to be completely gutted and rebuilt from the bottom up.

My experience with this house today made me so thankful that God not only makes abundantly clear what needs to be made abundantly clear but that He also cares about our hearts. If I had not heard Him speak so clearly on this matter, I would started imagining what life in my own home would be like. I would have had my heart set on owning my own home, to making it work and imaging how I would decorate and what furniture I would need to buy. And I would have been so unbelievably disappointed by the actual state of the house versus the dream my head would have created. God, in His kindness, saved me from all of that by making the answer abundantly clear ahead of time.

Unusual, Impossible Tomorrow

2010-04-28T13:08:00.000-04:00

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind for me they have my head spinning. But the last couple of weeks have also been encouraging and inspiring. They have filled me with hope. It began at the Hillsong United concert two weeks ago. Toward the end of the evening Joel Houston was talking to the crowd about how, when United first started coming to the US, “they” told them that they should just stick to cities in the Bible belt and that not much was happening spiritually in the rest of the nation. Of course, that wasn’t good enough for the HU crew and they wanted to go to places like LA, NYC, Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia. Here’s the part that got me. He said that they believe, and have believed for a while, that God is moving in a powerful way in the northeastern part of our country. I could feel my heart stirring at his words. I have often wondered what God is up to because, at times, I can feel the swell building. At times, I can feel the Holy Spirit rising and I feel like we are on the brink of a massive outbreak of something (I’m not sure what). It gave me great hope that leaders that I greatly respect and admire and who see how God is moving globally sense that God is at work in this part of our country.

Last week I went to Catalyst West. More than anything I desired to hear from God, to encounter Him, to walk away with a word (of any kind) from Him. My heart and ears were open to hear Him speak. And He did not disappoint. In the very first session, Andy Stanley painted the big picture of an Unusual Tomorrow which was the theme of the conference. He spoke about the trip he and his wife and friends of theirs took to Italy to celebrate his wife’s birthday. The trip culminated in Rome. The one thing that Andy was most excited to see was the Coliseum. Today as you walk into the Coliseum through the Emperor’s Gate, you see a cross hanging there. (The cross was installed centuries later by one of the Pope’s as a tribute/memorial to all the Christians that had been killed by Rome.) That had a huge impact on Andy and this is what he shared with us. Imagine going back to 85-86 AD and gathering together the families of the Christians who have been fed to the lions, crucified, burned in Nero’s circus, the families of the gladiators who have died for the entertainment of Rome. Once you have them gathered tell them that a tomorrow is coming where Rome is not the most powerful civilization, where the cross does not represent Rome but a fisherman from Galilee, where more people will come to Rome looking for the jail cell of a man who followed that fisherman than will come looking for the tomb of an Emperor. Paint for them a picture of differences in the reality of their today and the realities of this tomorrow. Do you think they would believe you? Of course not! But the fact is, a tomorrow they could have never even dreamed of does exists. At the end of his talk he said this (not a direct quote), “How do I know your city can change? Because a cross hangs above the Emperor’s Gate in the Roman Coliseum.”

God completely overwhelmed me with that statement. He was telling me that all of the things I dream of for Baltimore can happen. A tomorrow can exist when Baltimore is no longer one of the most dangerous cities in America, when we are no longer the heroine capital of the US, when The Block is no longer known for its strip clubs and sexual exploitation, when this city is no longer known as a city where pastors come to die and is described as a spiritual graveyard. A tomorrow can exist when Baltimore is known to be a city of light, of community, of life. God completely changed the course of history through 12 very ordinary men. Certainly He can change the course and culture of the city of Baltimore through a handful of ordinary people. It is possible that a seemingly impossible tomorrow (and definitely an unusual one) can exist.

The Holy Spirit is moving in a powerful way. He wants our impossible tomorrow to exist and He wants to use us to make it happen. Let’s get on our knees for our cities. Let’s surrender our own agendas to Him and allow God to move us into action. Let’s live in the expectation and belief that God really can change our cities. What is your unusual tomorrow? It can happen because a cross now hangs above the Emperor’s Gate of the Roman Coliseum.

Defining Moments

2010-04-19T01:27:00.003-04:00

I’ve been reading a book entitled “Before They Changed the World: Pivotal Moments That Shaped the Lives of Great Leaders Before They Became Famous” by Edwin Kiester, Jr. He has examined the lives and life-shaping moments of all kinds of different leaders from Hannibal of Carthage to George Washington to Mohandas Gandhi to Mikahil Gorbachev. For some of these leaders their lives were shaped by a single conversation, others by an epic failure or, for some, an entire season of life. It’s been fascinating to discover the moments that became their turning point.

I know what my moment was. Not that I think I will change the world or become a famous leader, but my life was forever changed by a moment. In January of 1999, I went with 60 other students from my college to Ft. Worth, TX for the Passion Conference. (This was their third ever Passion event and back when they actually had a “Passion Band!”) I was this intimidated, overwhelmed freshman. God showed up in crazy, amazing, powerful ways during that conference. It was there that I made a covenant with Him that I would go wherever He wanted me to go and do whatever He wanted me to do. My answer to whatever He asked of me would be “Yes Lord.” The covenant between us has been at the forefront of every major decision I have made over the last 11 years. That moment has completely altered my life. I have taken paths that I never would have taken had I not already decided that my answer was “Yes”. While the road has been really hard at times, I have never once regretted following Jesus. Following Him has brought me adventure, hardships and victories, but more than that, it has brought me life.

"Yes Lord, walking in the way of Your truths, we wait eagerly for You; for Your Name and Your Renown are the desire of our souls." Isaiah 26:8

A Rare Quiet Morning

2010-04-08T23:30:00.000-04:00

Last night it was pretty warm in my apartment so I slept with the windows open. Every spring when I start sleeping with the windows open (I don’t have A/C) it takes a little bit to adjust. You see, I live on a very busy, very noisy street. It’s noisy when the windows are closed, but when they are open it is like everything that happens on the street is happening in my room. I frequently get woken up by sirens, motorcycles, people yelling, people smoking (the list could go on and on) when I first have the windows open. After a while I get used to it and I don’t wake up as much, but it’s difficult at first. The other thing you need to know is that I live in between two recovery programs - one for men, the other for women. Because of this, there are a ton of people out on the street in the mornings conversing with each other, which could be more accurately be described as people yelling back and forth to each or on their phones (and endless profanities are usually involved as well). Needless to say, I usually get woken up in the mornings by all of the commotion and it usually irritates me because not only did they wake me up, but now I have to hear EVERYTHING they are saying. Believe me, I am not trying to eaves-drop nor do I even want to, but I am given no choice in the matter - I hear EVERYTHING. However every now and then there is a benefit to hearing the conversations that are taking place just outside of my window.

This morning I woke up early and the street was uncharacteristically quiet. I decided to just lay in bed for a while and enjoy the stillness of the morning. While I was still in bed, a lady walks by talking on her phone. This is what I hear - “Usually I would say ‘Let’s go get high,’ but I’ve been clean for 2 months now. I haven’t been doing nothin’ for 2 months. (Short pause) I weigh 145 lbs. (Pauses & chuckles) Yeah. My skin is better. My hair is better...”

I was suddenly very thankful for living on such a busy, noisy street. I was thankful to have heard part of this woman’s phone conversation. This woman sounded hopeful. And she sounded victorious. You could tell that today she was finding freedom from her addiction, that she had walked down the path of destruction and somehow managed to find her way back out. Tomorrow may be a different story, but today her reality is that she is clean and she is healthier than she’s been in a while (even if she does weigh 145 lbs.) My heart felt lighter in that moment and I secretly rejoiced with her in her triumph. Moments like these remind me of how good and how great and how powerful our God is. He is more powerful than our addictions, greater than our weaknesses and He desires our freedom more than we desire it for ourselves. This morning I was reminded that God has already won the victory and, in Him, we too are victorious. This morning I thanked God for moving me from my safe, comfortable neighborhood that I loved so much and into a not-quite-as-safe and much more diverse neighborhood that I have to work to love and appreciate.

Best Month Ever!

2010-04-05T14:32:00.002-04:00

3 Reasons Why April is Going to be the Best Month Ever:

1. Hillsong United - next Thursday I'm going to Philly to worship with Hillsong United. I saw them live for the first time back in January and couldn't pass up the opportunity to see them again. Their music is amazing, their hearts for God and people are challenging and their passion for justice is inspiring. They have been very influential in helping to shape my thoughts on justice, worship and the church. I'm super excited to be able to worship with them and to bring my sister and brother-in-law with me. They are awesome and I can't wait to spend time with them as well.

2. Phantom of the Opera - next Friday (yep the day after HU) my sisters and I will be going to see Phantom of the Opera. It is their gift to me for my 30th birthday. I love spending time with my sisters and it's rare that we get to do anything with just the three of us, much less have an opportunity to get dressed up and spend time together. And, seriously, it's Phantom of the Opera and (apparently) we have amazing seats. Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation...I can hardly contain my excitement!

3. Catalyst West Coast- the week after the first two events I'll be headed to Irvine, CA for Catalyst West Coast. I've been to Catalyst in ATL a couple of times, but it'll be my first time in California (actually my first ever trip to the west coast in general). The speakers I'm most excited about seeing are Erwin McManus and Donald Miller, but there are several others I'm looking forward to experiencing as well. Thankfully, I'm able to fly out the day before the conference starts, so I can experience at least a little bit of CA before things get started. So besides attend the conference I also plan to see the Pacific Ocean, another first, and get food from In N Out Burger, of course another first. While I admit that I am a bit nervous to be going by myself, I am stoked that I actually get to go. Seriously, could this month get any better?!?!

In all of the excitement for this month, there is one major downer - that I will not be able to go to small group (aka The Thingy, our missional Monday night church) for the entire month because I have to work Mondays in order to make all the fun stuff happen. I really don't like that I'll have to miss all of April, but here's hoping I can be with them for all of May.

Follow Me

2010-03-21T12:33:00.004-04:00

I was watching Band of Brothers the other night. Lt. Winters was leading an attack on a fortified German position. He laid out the plan, gave everyone their jobs and said, "Follow me." Then he lead his squad in the attack. I am obsessed with Band of Brothers. I've read (and own) almost every book written by or about them. Out of everything I've read, my favorite part is in Dick Wiinters personal war memoirs when he lays out what he believes are the principles of success for leaders. His second principle is this, "Lead from the front. Say 'Follow me!' and then lead the way." As I was watching the movie, I started noticing how many times Winters' character said, "Follow me." Each and every time, the men around him followed him. Most of the time, they were following him into the unknown. They had no idea how many Germans they were facing when they attacked the German battery, but they followed Winters because he lead the way.

I think that the church, in a lot of ways, has lost the "Follow me" style of leadership. I see and hear a lot of "You should." You should be reaching the lost. You should be inviting people to church. You should be in a small group. You should, you should, you should. Don't get me wrong, I am not against any of these things. They are all good things. But why should I be doing what someone is telling me to do just because they are in a position of leadership? Are they themselves even doing those things?

Recently I was talking with a friend of mine about some of his struggles in working with the senior pastor at his church. This church has hired my friend because they realize that they are dying and are stuck behind the four walls of the church and they want him to help them change and transition into a church that is reaching out and making a difference in their community. My friend was telling me about how the senior pastor is telling the church the things they should be doing and encouraging them to practice these things, but that he himself is not practicing any of them. When my friend talked to the pastor about this, the pastor just kept saying that he just wants the congregation to be practicing these new habits and disciplines. He did not see that he should be doing them himself. He saw it as his job to tell the others what to do, not to lead the way.

As I read through the gospels, I see Jesus saying, "Follow me." In fact, his initial invitation to his disciples is to follow him. He doesn't tell them to go and live the way I tell you to live, but he invites them come with Him, to learn from Him, to see how He does things so they can learn to live like He does. He invites them to join Him in what He is already doing. I would like to see the church come back around to this style of leadership. I would like to see us inviting the people around to follow us, to come with us. I would love for the senior pastor at my friends church to stand up one Sunday and say, "Here's how I've been making strides to become more missional in my own life, come and join me." I would love to see church leaders everywhere saying, "Here's how my small group has been making a difference in my life" and "This is how I've been building relationships with the people in my neighborhood recently." I don't want to be told to go and start doing something on my own, but I want to be invited to join someone in what they are already doing. I want to invite people to join me in something that I am doing.

Lt. Winters could have told his men how he wanted the attack carried out and then ordered them to go do it while he stayed back. They would have done it because they wouldn't have had a choice, but they would have resented him for it. They also probably wouldn't have been successful because they wouldn't have had their leader to look to for guidance as the battle changed and new decisions needed to be made. Instead, Winters told the men to follow him. He stayed with them, fought beside them, gave them new instructions as they went. The result - they were successful and his men respected him.

I am picky about the people that I choose to follow. I will not follow someone who just tells me what to do or not do and who just stays in the background at a distance. I don't respect that type of leadership. The challenge for me is to be the type of leader that I would want to follow. To be the type of leader who earns respect, who invites people to follow me and to join me in what I am doing. I want to be like Dick Winters and Jesus who say, "Follow me." And I want to be part of a church that does the same.

Random Thoughts

2010-03-10T11:57:00.003-05:00

I feel like I should post something since it's been a little while since my last post. As I don't really have a lot of say on any one thing, here are thoughts on a couple of random things.

Random Thought #1:
I met up with a good friend and incredible lady last week to talk with her and benefit from her wisdom and experience. Lately, I've been driving myself crazy trying to understand this season of life and where God is leading me and where all of this leads. One of the best things she said to me was, "God will make abundantly clear what needs to be made abundantly clear." I found a lot of freedom in that statement. I need to quit analyzing every little thing and wondering what God is doing with that and where it might lead and trust that God will make clear what the next step is.

Random Thought #2:
Last weekend I had a huge argument with one of my servers. She's an older server (in her 40's) and while she has a very direct approach and is very opinionated, we usually get along just fine. And she usually respects my decisions. Last weekend, however she completely lost it when I asked her to pick up a table and we ended up yelling at each other in a back room and I sent her home early. Two days later she wanted to meet with me and my boss. We met. She apologized. As it turns out this week she was having additional tests done to see if her breast cancer has come back, it was the anniversary of her mother's death (she died of cancer) and the anniversary of being raped. Wow. I didn't know. We talked, she cried, I almost cried, we made up. Sometimes being a manager is a heavy burden because I really do love my staff, care deeply about them and learn about more baggage in their lives than most people. Sometimes I think I'm here just to love them.

Random Thought #3:
Since Passion 2010, I've been following the Hillsong crew on Twitter. One of the things I enjoy about them is how much they love to be home. They love their family, their friends, their church. Right now, I don't really love home. A lot of the time, I just want to escape. As I've pondered all this, God has reminded me that He brought me to this city. He put the desire in my heart to live and minister here. Just because it gets hard and I can't see where I'm going nor do I see any fruit, doesn't mean it's time to give up, walk away and start over again. When I take a step back and look at my life, I see that I really do love home. I love my family and my friends. I love my city. I just forgot for a little while. It's time for me to stop focusing on myself (something I'm really good at) and put it back on Jesus and the story He's writing around me. To borrow a thought from Louie Giglio - I need to stop trying to play the starring role in a really small story and trade it in for a smaller role in a really BIG story. When I do that, I too love to be home.

Reason to Love Him

2010-02-25T22:40:00.004-05:00

There are many things I love about Jesus and one of them is the little ways He encourages me. One of my biggest struggles in this season of life is whether what I am doing is actually making an impact for the Kingdom. Is anyone closer to Jesus through their relationship with me? Honestly, most of the time, I feel like the answer is "no" - and that is discouraging. A lot of the time I find it hard to keep focused on my mission to show Jesus to those around me and hard to keep motivated. I feel like I'm driving down the road in an endless desert with no change in scenery - and it wearies me. But every-so-often Jesus finds little ways of reminding me that He IS at work and that what I am doing DOES make a difference.

Today I had one of those moments. After our manager meeting, one of my fellow managers asked if I wanted to go to the restaurant two doors down for drinks. He and I haven't had much time lately to chat on a personal level, so I took him up on the offer. We talked for quite a while, mostly about work, but I had the opportunity to ask him about how he came to live in Maryland. After he shared part of his story, which I enjoyed learning, he asked me about how I came to work for Chang's. I was able to share with him about my discontent living a predictable, safe life around people who look like me, think like me, dress like me, believe like me, etc. I had the opportunity to share with him about how, as I read the gospels, I came to see that Jesus spent a lot of time hanging out with people outside of the church, people who were different from Him and that I came to the conclusion that if I love Jesus and that I want to model my life after Him, I needed to make some changes. I got to share with him how it was the best decision I ever made and that I love where it's lead me - to a management position in our restaurant. Sharing our stories was such a small part of our conversation, but it was the highlight for me. I love to learn other people's stories and I love sharing my own. Today I was so encouraged by the fact that we were able to have that conversation. I felt like it was Jesus' way of reminding me that He IS at work and that what I am doing DOES make a difference. I DO have a purpose where I am and He IS using me. As I wander this desert, every now and then there is a stream where I can take a drink and be refreshed. This was one of those moments. Water for my soul and one of the most loving things Jesus does for me.

"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of Your hands." Psalm 138.8

Questions I Ask Myself

2010-02-10T11:24:00.004-05:00

My brain is a crazy place. It is constantly going a million miles an hour. I think about all kinds of different things, explore the possibilities, envision what the future would be like if certain decisions were to be made, etc. Sometimes this is good because I begin asking questions. Of course, this leads to more questions and soon my mind is overloaded with all kinds of crazy thoughts (and that's the downside). But I think questions are good because if I take them seriously and think through the answers, they inspire change and action. My biggest fear in life is that I will settle for mediocrity and a "safe" life and that I will miss out on the adventure of a life lived in pursuit of Jesus. Questions keep me motivated to grow and change. Here are some questions I have been asking myself lately:

1. Is what I am doing making a difference? Is the way I manage at the restaurant actually making a positive impact for the kingdom of God?

2. How can I love and serve my staff better? What about my fellow managers?

3. Since I am passionate about the Church being an agent of justice, how can I invite people into the movement? How can I raise awareness for the need and get people mobilized?

4. What am I doing in my community to love people and show them the love of Jesus?

5. How am I using my influence and my wealth to benefit others? (Yes - wealth. As a middle class American I am in the top 2% of the world's wealthiest people, but that's another thought for another day.)

6. In my pursuit for justice, am I maintaining both a local and a global focus?

7. This last question comes not from my own head, but from Andy Stanley's: Are there discrepancies between what you desire in your heart and what you are doing with your life?

There are more questions I ask myself but these come to the surface more often than any of the others. A lot of times these questions become my prayers. They increase my dependancy on Jesus and show me my need for Him. At times this leads to repentance, at times to surrender, at other times to worship, but always to action. It’s my prayer that I will continue to change and grow and that I will not be the same person in 6 months that I am today. Questioning the way I live opens the door for God to speak with me and mold my steps.

Baltimore in the Snow - Pt. 2

2010-02-06T17:00:00.002-05:00

Baltimore in the Snow

2010-02-06T16:49:00.003-05:00

We just got like 30 inches of snow dumped on us. I decided to get out, take a walk and take pics of the city. Here are a couple of my favorites from the day. It was so beautiful and peaceful out there. My walk turned into a great time of worship as I took in all the beauty the city had to offer. Besides the physical beauty, I was amazed at the spirit of community and friendliness everyone showed. I greeted and was greeted by people I would never normally converse with. This one line has been going through my head all day. It's from Tim Hughes song Beautiful One - "The beauty of Your majesty awakes my heart to sing..."

All Are Welcome?

2010-02-02T13:53:00.002-05:00

There is this church in the northern part of Baltimore City that is old and beautiful. Every time I drive by this church I think about the heritage and history the church must have - and I always wonder if it is thriving and growing or struggling just to hang on. A couple of months ago, my friend, Annie, and I had the opportunity to visit the church because an author, whom we both love, was speaking there. As we stepped through the doors of the church and entered the sanctuary, I found that it looked as beautiful and majestic as I had hoped. But I saw something I had never seen before, nor ever expected to see. Each pew had a door on the end of it. Yep, a door. A door that you can open or close to let someone in or keep someone out. I was amazed. Both Annie and I immediately began joking about how old people, who basically have assigned seats, probably love this because they can just shut the door and thus save their seat. We discussed this as we walked toward the front of the sanctuary. About 4 or 5 rows back, we saw an open pew. As we began to enter it, this arm comes across and blocks our path. A woman, two rows in front, tells us, "Sorry, but those seats are already taken." There were no jackets or purses in that row, nor anything else that would have lead us to think that people would soon be sitting there - just this lady's arm blocking our path. I personally felt a bit offended and rather unwelcome. As we turned to find another pew, I looked at Annie and said, "They should have just shut the door." If the door to the pew was closed, regardless as to whether there was anything "holding" someone's place, I would not have even thought about sitting there. Annie and I found another pew and decided to close the door on our pew, just because we could. That became rather awkward for us when one of Annie's friends came to sit with us and the door was shut. She was suddenly unsure of whether or not she was welcome. Of course, we were happy to have her join us (we really do like other people) and we opened the door to welcome her.

While we thoroughly enjoyed getting the opportunity to hear this author speak, the story we walked away telling was about the doors on the pews and this lady that would not let us sit in an "open" pew. It's not that we even cared about sitting a couple rows farther back, just the unwelcomeness we felt in that moment. Since that time, I've frequently thought about that church and that incident. I am sure that the woman did not mean to make us feel unwelcome and was just trying to help out her friends. But what if we were searching for God and came to church to try and find Him and we were greeted that way? I would have left and never come back. How many people have been turned away from the church because of the (figurative) doors on our pews? That thought makes my heart ache. I drove past the church again today (I do so frequently) and glanced at the sign in front of it. It said, "All are Welcome." My question is, are they really? Are people who are messed up and broken and in desperate need of a Savior really welcome or just the people who appear to already have it all together? I guess the better question is not whether that church really welcomes everyone, but do I welcome everyone or have I shut the door of the pew?

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" were eating with Him and His disciples, for there were many who followed Him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw Him eating with the "sinners" and tax collectors, they asked His disciples: "Why does He eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Mark 2:15-17

Passion 2010 - Do Something Now

2010-01-27T00:11:00.004-05:00

This is my first attempt at making a video. It's made from the pictures I took at Passion 2010 from their Do Something Now campaign. One of the things that I love about Passion is their commitment to wedding worship with justice. This year there were 12 causes for the students to give toward. It was amazing to watch the Holy Spirit move among the students and to see them give so generously to those in need (check out 268generation.com/blog for all the details).

Wells Run Deep

2010-01-21T22:27:00.004-05:00

I read a great verse in Isaiah (12:3) yesterday. It says, "With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation." Joy - I love that word. It stems from the deepest part of your soul. When something brings you joy, you would rather be in that moment than anywhere else. You are happy, you are content, your soul is satisfied and overflowing. Wells of salvation - the beauty in this phrase is that wells run deep. No one drills a shallow well as it would dry up quickly. Salvation is a deep well. It never runs dry. The well of salvation is good today, tomorrow, forever. While it is hard work to draw water, there is joy in doing so. You know that the pay off is worth it. Because we know Jesus, we get to experience salvation being worked out in us each day. Each day we get to experience the love and redemption found in Christ. What a beautiful reality!

Light in the Darkness

2010-01-19T22:58:00.002-05:00

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Isaiah 9:2

I read this verse a couple of days ago and it just spoke to me. My restaurant is a very dark place. The people are enslaved by their passions - drinking, partying, sex, drugs, you name it. I love each of them dearly but I'm constantly saddened by the way they live their lives. When I read this verse, I immediately thought about them. My biggest hope and greatest desire is to see my friends at the restaurant come to know the light and life of Jesus. My prayer is that this verse would be true for them - that they would see the great light of Jesus and that He would burst through their darkness and bring them into His light. Oh the joy that it would bring!

It's All Over

2010-01-16T11:15:00.002-05:00

The trial ended yesterday. It was actually a pretty good experience. The other people on the jury were enjoyable to be around and we spent our time in the jury room laughing and having a good time. During the trial I prayed for two things - 1) that God would give each us of us the ability to discern the truth and 2) that when it came time to make a decision, that God would make us like-minded. As we went into the room to deliberate, it became obvious that we all had similar thoughts about the trial. We were all on the same page. I love that God does things like that. It just makes me love Him more.

There Are Trials and Then There Are Trials

2010-01-14T19:03:00.002-05:00

Wow, what an interesting last couple of days. While at Passion I awakened to the reality that I have been too influenced by my environment - nothing huge, no major compromises. I'm just harsher with people than I need to be, I'm easily angered/irritated, I use bad language way too frequently, I'm more of who my bosses want me to be and less of who God wants me to be. While it's always sad to realize these things, the positive is that God reveals them to us so He can bring restoration.

So now that I'm back to work, I'm trying to break out of those patterns and behaviors that make me less like Christ. It's a huge challenge. It doesn't help that things at the restaurant have been a bit crazy and I'm trying to catch up and figure out what all needs to be done. My first goal is to stop complaining. That's harder than I thought it would be, but I keep praying that God would make me aware each time I start, so I can stop.

I also am trying to make myself more available to people. Somewhere along the way I started hiding. I stopped taking walks and interacting with people whose paths I've crossed throughout the day. That's been a fun challenge this week. I've walked away with some new stories - I gave a homeless man lunch and I helped an elderly man put his new purchases on his motorized wheelchair. It's been fun. It's reminded me of God's heart for people.

On top of all of this, I was selected to serve on a jury for a criminal case. (I'll give details when the trial is over.) As I walked into the court room and they started the process of deciding the jury, I just knew in my heart that I was going to be selected. I wasn't surprised when it actually did happen. It's been two days now and it's been a fascinating experience, but definitely not what I had planned for this week. I just keep praying that God would give each of us jurors discernment to know the truth when we hear. I'm also praying that He would guide us to the right decision once the trial is over and the decision becomes ours. Hopefully it'll be finished tomorrow and I'll off the hook until next year. One lady serving with me has been called each year for the last 10 years and each time has actually been on a jury - just a glimpse of my future in the city!

So there are trials and then there are trials, but God has amazed me in the midst of it all. It's been a great week of spending time with Him and He has showed me amazing things.

Back to the Grind

2009-11-20T17:13:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm back to the grind. My time in OC was great and I never wanted to come home, but we always have to come home. The weekend turned out differently than I expected, but I feel refreshed and re-energized. I think the thing that was most surprising was that I actually started to write the Bible study on Justice that I've been meaning to write for like 2 years now. I have the skeleton of the study together, it's just a matter of putting on the layers of muscle and skin. It's going to be more involved than I realized, but I'm excited about finally putting it together. And Jeff has agreed to help me and give me feedback and guidance - that's a really, really good thing.

I planned to write a little bit more, but dinner is on the table and people are waiting on me...

Hey There

2009-11-15T17:44:00.000-05:00

I thought maybe I'd try this thing and see how it goes. I do realize that I'm light-years behind everyone else on the planet, but I like to do things in my own time.

So, all that being said, I am in Ocean City for a couple of days. My boss gave me three days off in a row(!) and I decided to get out of Dodge. I'm hoping to de-stress, to re-energize and to spend some quiet time in my favorite place on the planet. There is nothing I love more than being at the beach, hearing the waves crash along the shore, the smell of the salt air, and peace that comes over my soul when I'm here. Here's to a nice 3-day stint which will culminate with a DC*B concert in DC on Tuesday night. Hip-hip-hooray!